A few years ago, I left corporate America for what I thought was greener pastures. I dreaded going into the office every day and could no longer find anything positive about my daily grind. I asked for and received a generous severance package. My boss tried to convince me to stay, but I knew I had to move on in order to grow-up.
I blamed my employer and co-workers for my unhappiness. I’d tell myself, no matter how creative or brilliant my idea was; they will never implement them, so why bother. I thought every project was on the road to nowhere. I was convinced my company did not care about me. Therefore, I did not care about them. I could find pessimism and negativity in every conversation. I was defeated.
As time passed, I have had the chance to revisit my perceptions and challenge my beliefs. I started asking some questions. Who was really to blame? Was I responsible? Why do I feel the need to blame someone? What’s the lesson I am supposed to learn from this experience?
My employer gave me many opportunities to grow and expand my potential. They entrusted me to work on some pretty important projects. I had an opportunity to make a difference. I had reasonable control over my future. I was supported.
So what happened? Why did I feel so trapped and unhappy? My discovery surprised me.
My lack of self-awareness was hiding my truth from me. I had built a life where my identity revolved around my job. I expected my employer to create an environment that would meet all my needs and thereby allow me to be happy. When my expectations went unmet, I blamed others to deflect my attention away from the real issue, ME. Yep, it’s much easier to blame others than it is to accept responsibility.
My blame behavior had taken over and was showing up in every aspect of my life. I blamed the people I love most in life for things that are not their responsibility. I blamed others without telling them I blamed them. I blamed myself. I unknowingly became a blame expert.
Being aware you have an unwanted behavioral challenge is both a blessing and a curse. There is joy is discovering a new self-learning arena. Joy is inevitability followed by the realization that you can’t put the skeleton back in the closet. Our awareness follows us into every conversation. We begin to recognize our behavior in our actions and in others. Conversations and events trigger emotions we can’t explain. When emotions and thoughts start to consuming us, it’s time to make a change.
Change requires asking for help. We all have a capacity for change, but we cannot do it alone. There are no quick fixes. I have spent a life time perfecting this unwanted behavior. Changing it requires time and ongoing attention. I show up as a better version of myself every day.
What do you want to change?
Pingback: WeVivify · New Perspective