How does the word “responsibility” really show up in our lives? According to dictionary.com’s definition, responsibility means accountability or blame. So I am either accountable for my actions or I blame others for their in action. Does anybody else find this fascinating? I do. Let us see if we can find this working this way in our society.
Recently, huge back-to-back snowstorms (40+ inches) crippled the DC metro area. The public opinion on snow removal and schools re-opening has been a lightning rod discussion topic.
My parents taught me self-initiative and to take action. I reacted to the enormous snowfall by digging my way out. I cleared sidewalks. I shoveled streets. I helped my neighbors remove their snow.
Many people I met had the opposite response. They were bitter and resentful. The county failed to plow my street. My kids are driving me batty. Why are the schools still closed? I’m trapped and can’t get out. Where are the plows? These people wanted someone to blame. They did not want to take responsibility themselves.
A friend was complaining about their DirecTV not working due to heavy cloud cover and the mounting snow on the satellite dish. I asked if they were blaming Mother Nature, DirecTV or themselves for subscribing to satellite TV? Stupid snow was the answer. Clearly very frustrated by being stuck inside.
The definition holds true in these two recent life examples, but does it hold true in other life events?
When I think about responsibility, I generally think about it from a personal accountability standpoint. Responsibility also carries a burden, sense of duty, and constraints. These emotional feelings can weigh heavily on our ability to move forward in life. The weight we experience is directly related to the choice we make. Blaming focuses our attention towards finding fault and feelings of guilt thereby weakening our ability to show up the way we want to show up in the world. Accountability is much more powerful and gives honor to meaning to our actions.
When we feel overwhelmed by responsibility, we feel trapped and our possibilities for escaping seem very limited. The same responsibility that is trapping us offers a path for escaping the noose we have around our neck.
Consider this story.
Kevin is happily married with three kids. His wife Amy is a stay-at-home mom. He wants to find a more fulfilling career. He wants to have more autonomy and be more actively involved in decision-making. Kevin likes his current job but it does not give a sense of purpose. He feels constrained by levels of bureaucracy and lack of information sharing. He blames his lack of motivation on the inability to get anything done.
His thinks employer should be doing this and they should be doing that. He would love to find another job that provides work that is more meaningful. When ask what that job might look like, his first response is about money. He has placed a financial noose around his neck.
Do you see the paradox here? Kevin is accountable for his family responsibilities. There is nothing more important to Kevin than providing for his family. He blames his employer for not providing work that is more meaningful to him. Ironically, he is not accepting personal accountability in his search to find work that is more meaningful. Money is just a symptom of the challenge Kevin is facing. Responsibility has gotten the better of him and is controlling his actions and in actions.
Is responsibility keeping you down, or are you keeping responsibility from helping you up?
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