Curiosity is a foundational character trait I have always owned. My parents encouraged me to ask questions and seek to understand the world around me. Just as a compass points north, mine points towards a search for meaning in my life. I was missing grounding in my life. I longed for something to help me take my search to the next level.
Being a Dad has provided me with all the motivation I needed to jump-start my unknowingly meaningless life.
Before kids, my work life was my identity. I sunk every ounce of energy I had into work. I clung to the financial security of my six-figure salary. I rewarded my employer’s financial commitment by working harder to make a difference every chance I got. I routinely logged 60-70 hours a week. I genuinely cared about my fellow employees and the work we did. I remain friends with some wonderful people I met along the way. I cherish some wonderful memories we created together. These events shaped the path I have traveled. As rich as the experience may have been, I derived no real deep heartfelt meaning from my work life identity.
Can you relate to this story?
Being a Dad turned my life inside out and upside down. Suddenly, nothing was more important in my life then my son. He ushered in an opportunity for me to cut through the superficial randomness of my daily life, and slow down enough to ask myself a powerful question.
What do I really CARE about?
Knowing the question is all fine and well, but answering it another story. This required reflection and true commitment to finding the real me. I needed to find courage to ask and answer these provocative questions.
You are familiar with these questions. They periodically pop into your thought process from time to time. They tug and pull at you trying to get your attention.
Will the real David McGraw please stand up?
Kids do the same thing. They tug and pull at you. They challenge your ability to focus and completely focus your attention to them. Being a parent requires skills we have not refined.
Basic skills are the same as being able to solve 1st grade math problems. We all can do basic addition and subtraction. We take these skills for granted and think nothing of our ability to perform them.
Calculating if we have enough money to retire on requires skills well beyond our 1st grade math ability. Raising kids requires advanced skills. Finding out what matters most to us, what we really CARE about, requires advanced skills.
Taking work seriously was naturally easy. Taking my cares seriously was as hard for me as raising kids.
I was avoiding these questions my entire life. As I held my son for the first time, I felt true joy. I felt me.
To the world I maybe one person, but to one person I may be the world.
Instantly, he was what mattered most to me. The joy I experienced was only rivaled by seeing my beautiful bride begin her journey down the aisle to marry me. They events were extremely important to me. They were what I CARED about!
What I care about has become the most important operating principle I live by. I am motivated and directed by my cares. I bring these cares with me into every conversation and action. My wife and kids provide the grounding I need to confidently live by my cares. They push me closer to my cares and propel me towards the meaningful life I desire.
Being a Dad is not just about raising kids, it is about writing a meaningful life story. A story worth living. A story I care about.
Are you writing a life story you care about?
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