I wrote this for a wonderful and beautiful couple who got married this past weekend. Enjoy the read and let me know what you think.
The one secret of a good marriage.
It all starts with you. You are in complete control over your happiness. Individually, you can impact each others happiness, but you are not responsible for it. The most important thing you can do is to take care of yourself. Love yourself. Honor who you are. This will free you to honor who your spouse is. To love them for who they are and not for whom you want them to be. We have circled back to you.
You cannot set expectations for another person without first discussing and receiving their commitment to the expectation. Your unspoken expectations are just premeditated disappointments. No matter what the cost, you have to communicate with each other. Share your feelings, dreams, opinions, and needs. Help each other become the best possible version of yourself.
This is the central purpose of your relationship and the guiding force behind your happiness. If you both focused on bring out the best in each other, then you will view each others efforts as constructive assistance. You will avoid getting defensive and angry. Is this task easy, hell no! Is it worth the effort? Only you can answer that question.
Today, you committed to love each other to the end of time. I promise you, your love will be tested, retested, and tested again and again. Each test has the power to elevate or rip apart your commitment to each other. You alone are responsible for how you react and respond to these tests. Your spouse is not responsible for your attitude and behavior. You are.
Relationship tests are just speed bumps along happiness highway. No matter how challenging these tests are to your relationship, just remember this, you love each other and this to shall pass. What doesn’t kill you, certainly will make you stronger. You will never be given a test you are incapable of handling.
Be true to yourself. Be responsible for your actions. Admit you are human and make mistakes. Accept each other for who you are and are not. Practice forgiveness. Focus on all the good in your life. Recognize and ignore the negative energy in your life. Listen to your own thoughts and feelings first. Above all, trust yourself and your intuition.
Why is this important? When you are faced with challenges, you will search for answers. You will confide in family, friends, and anyone who will listen. They will pump you full of advice. Some will be good and some will be bad. Take it in and filter the best you can. Don’t allow yourself to follow this advice without asking yourself if this advice is really right for you. You know what is best for you. You are your own expert. Only you know what is best for you. Don’t ever forget that.
Laugh at these silly curve balls tests life throws you. You will ace them as soon as you accept them for what they are, relatively unimportant speed bumps in the road of life. There is not a shred of evidence life is supposed to be serious. Laugh at life!
Celebrate the joy in your life. Celebrate the joy in your spouse’s life. Other than yourself, your spouse is the most important relationship in your life. Don’t take this relationship for granted. Treat it with all the love, respect and admiration you desire in your life. You owe it to each other. Help each other become the best version of yourselves.
Anne, Riley, Keegan, Logan, and I wish you both a long and loving relationship. Enjoy this moment…life only gets better from here.
