Life handed me a basket of lemons and I do not want to make lemonade. I want to be mad! I want to pout. I want to cry. I want to scream out loud, “YOU’RE NOT FAIR…YOU SUCK!!!!!!” Life’s unfair!
Ever feel this way? Me too. We face the fairness dilemma every day like clockwork. The lack of fairness shows up in our lives in many forms of dishonesty, bias, superiority, injustice, or blame.
We were not born pre-equipped to handle fairness and be compassionate. Nor are we entitled to these character traits. We must develop these values through life experiences as we emotionally grow up.
A lot of frustration and sadness we experience comes directly from our perceived lack of fairness in the world. We transform these experiences into negative feelings. Negativity may provide some short-term sense of satisfaction, but it does not benefit us in any way shape or form. All destructive reactions do is reinforce our unwanted perceptions and expectations. Their continued presence propitiate more and more self-inflicted wounds.
Negative feelings suck all the motivation and momentum out of our forward progress. Negative feelings are the opportunity we have been waiting for. If we act quickly, we can locate the driving force behind what triggers this repeated experience. We have an opportunity to change the story we have been telling ourselves. Change will restore our energy and enthusiasm for all the good that is in our lives. Change will restore our forward progress.
Consider this story.
Steve plays on an all-star travel team. He works hard and trains non-stop. He dominates practice, but cannot get playing time during the games. He is stuck behind the coach’s son (John) on the depth chart. Steve felt he was being treated unfairly. He is angry with the coach. He is rude and mean to John. Steve believes nothing is fair in life. No matter what he does, he will not get to play. He punishes himself and quits the team.
How could Steve have addressed his issues with fairness?
He could have…
- Shared his feelings with his coach, parents, etc.
- Accepted and respected his coaches decision
- Accepted responsibility for his actions and behavior
- Thought about how his decision affected others
- Played by the rules
Unless Steve takes action to change his belief about this life event, his decision will most likely haunt him the rest of his life. When he fails to get a promotion at work, he will probably emotionally checkout and find another job. He will continually see biased behavior in his life whether it is there or not.
This one experience will be continually reinforced in his life because he expects it to occur. The pattern will continue until Steve puts an end to it.
People who proactively address their negative emotions are more aware of when their emotions are clouding their actions and judgment. They stop themselves from committing unforced errors. They accept people and situations for what they are. They accept themselves as they are. Compassion rules the day.
Compassion breaks down any judgment we hold and allows us to open our hearts to those around us. We see ourselves as one with our fellow-man. We take proactive action to help each other practice these principles. We find freedom in compassion.
Honor your feelings. Explore them. Have compassion for yourself and fellow-man.
How has fairness influenced your life?
