While the other person is speaking, we anxiously await our next interjection. We freely disrupt the ebb and flow with whatever random thought enters our conscious stream. We think we are having a one type of conversation and the other person feels they are having another conversation. We are not conversing with each other.
The only conversation we are having is one with ourselves.
In short, people suck at communication. They don’t care what you have to say and they don’t care what I have to say. People only care what they have to say.
We talk at each other, not with each other.
We experience every conversation in our own unique way. Our collective hodgepodge of personal values, beliefs, life experiences, and cultural makeup (race, religion, upbringing, etc) color our worldview. Our unique perspective is full of unspoken expectations that affect every conversation we have.
The human race is highly evolved and more intelligent than any other species. We have mastered the art of conversation with ourselves. We fail miserably when it comes to communicating with other human beings.
I am guilty of practicing the art of lousy communication and so are you.
Please do not worry. It is not our fault. No one taught us how to properly communicate. School did not teach us. The workplace never tried. They expected us to know how before we got there. Our parents did their best they could. Unfortunately, they never learned how to communicate themselves. Generations upon generations have perfected this failure to communicate cycle. We do not know any other way.
All this rationalization about our communication skills is just a bunch of self-serving justification and excuse making.
There are NO EXCUSES for lousy communication skills.
I do not care about your excuses and you do not care about mine. We make the choice to continue the cycle. We choose to remain a bunch of individualists with unevolved communication skills.
We are responsible. We have no one to blame. We can make an effort to be present and attentive in our conversations. We can let go of our need to voice our point of view. We can be more curious about what the other person has to offer. We can stop talking at each other and start talking with each other. We can be more self-aware. We can identify when we are off course. We can stop repeating the communication sins of previous generations. You can take action to break this cycle. The question is, will you?
Are you up to the challenge of changing your communication practices?
