Kids are brutally honest with their feelings, they know what they want, and they can resist change with every ounce of energy in their body.

My 3-year-old son wants to be like his oldest brother. He wants to play ice hockey. He DOES NOT want to skate.

His fears are putting up unnecessary walls of resistance. Whatever story he is telling himself makes him frightened to the point of an adamant NO.

I’m a strong believer in trying first, than deciding if you want to continue.  I refuse to accept NO without effort as a final response.

The local rink offered the perfect opportunity to give it a shot, they were hosting a fun and interactive learn to skate event. After a little encouragement, he stepped on the ice.

Watch what happens. Notice his progression out of his safety comfort zone into his empowered freedom zone.

Did you notice anything else?

Trying new things is what a kid’s life is all about. The learning doesn’t stop here.

I made this video to capture a life moment and to share it with my kids. I want them to be comfortable with living in a digital world. I want my kids to see how they show up in the world. I want them to learn from their experiences. More importantly, I want them to have fun celebrating the things they do and accomplish.

As a family, we celebrate these moments together. My son has watched this video 3 or 4 times. Each time he smiles and laughs at what he was able to do. His confidence and willingness to step into the unknown grows. He cannot wait to step on the ice again.

Inspired by my youngest son, my middle son asked to go skating today. He has refused to consider the possibility for over a year now. He is starring down his fears and I could not be any prouder.

At the time of this post, this video is less than 24 hours old and look at the impact it is having on my family life.  I felt inspired to share this story with you.

What do you feel inspired to do?

The opportunity we have been waiting for is always present in our lives.  Being aware and knowing when to take advantage of them is at the heart of all life lessons.

As a parent of 3 boys (age 7, 6, and 3), I am lucky to be presented learning opportunities everyday.  Part of being a parent is to provide our kids with a safe loving learning environment.  As parents, we are responsible for doing the best we can to nurture and guide our kids through their own life lessons.

Truth is, our kids are equally guiding us through our own life lessons.

I awoke this past Monday morning to quiet and darkness. I started to drift back to sleep. Feverish panic began to set in.  We were late for a very important date. Clock read 6:07 and my son Riley (age 7) was due on the ice at 6:45 for his hockey lesson.

I rushed to get dressed and headed downstairs to hustle us out the door and to the rink.  To my surprise, early riser Riley was still asleep.  Further panic set in.  I don’t like to be late.

I feel I am breaking my commitments when I am.

With our amazing super human powers, we made it to the rink and on the ice by 6:43. Two minutes to spare. I went to get coffee while Riley casually warmed up. Peace and harmony re-emerged.

10 minutes passed and I returned.  Still no coach. In an effort to maximize our ice time, I game Riley some drills to work on.

10 more minutes passed. Riley was steaming mad.  The first words out of his mouth were…

“He is a good coach, but he is not committed to me”

WOW….all those conversations with him about committing to his school work, guitar, and skating skills were really sinking in.  He understood and was applying the concepts to the present moment. I have never been more proud of him.

Before we could continue the dialog, another coach invited Riley into his group. This diversion was perfectly timed. I needed to reflect and formulate a plan to help Riley through this moment.

How can we both learn from this opportunity?

Learning is not accomplished by telling or doing for. Learning is best accomplished by immersing our selves in the moment, communicating our feelings, and doing for our selves.

Instead of providing solutions or answers, I allowed Riley to arrive at his own answers.  I let him share his feelings. I let him decide what he wanted to do.  I let him make his own decisions.

In the process, I honored my commitment to him to provide a safe loving learning environment.

Together, we turned a potentially harmful experience into a wonderful learning opportunity.  We learned a few valuable life lessons from each other.

What opportunity does this story present you?

My son is a non-stop question machine. Saturday night he asked a question that still stirs inside me today. He has posed some big thoughts and questions to me before, and I am usually not thrown by them.

I’ve come to expect the unexpected from him. This time, I was caught off guard and thrown for a loop. It was not your typical 7-year-old question.

Riley has a very active imagination. He is a big picture guy full of deep thoughts. He brings a creative non-linear approach to everything he does. High speed and intensity are the only way he knows to physically operate. Yet, there is a profound introspective search for life’s meaning going on behind the scene.

Saturday’s dialog provided one of those unexpected moments. In retrospect, I should not have been surprised; the context of the question fits his modus operandi.

Riley asked me, “What do you struggle with most in life?”

Friends, mentors, coaches, and potential employers have asked me this question. I never in my wildest dreams thought my 7-year-old son would ask me this question.

The question was an open invitation to a larger more important conversation.

I needed to take advantage of this opening and maximize this father-son bonding moment.

“Patience” was the answer I provided. I further explained…

Like you, I operate at a fast pace. I decide and do. I resist people’s attempts to slow me down. I get frustrated when they are not seeing things the way I do. I want to have fun and be happy. I cannot do that when I am frustrated by my impatience.

I try hard to slow down and to allow people to move at their own pace. To be successful, I have to recognize when I am being  impatient. When I am frustrated, I am most likely being impatient. Sometimes patience comes easy for me, sometimes it doesn’t. I make mistakes. I do the best I can do.

I asked Riley why he asked this question. Riley responded by telling me he thinks he struggles with being patient. 2 days later, our dialog has continued. I have learned a great deal from our conversations. Mostly, I have forged a deeper bond with my son.

Every conversation is an opportunity to create a deeper more meaningful connection with another person. Every day, we have opportunities to share what we have learned and to make a difference in someone’s life. More importantly, we have an opportunity to allow people to make a difference in our life.

What profound questions have kids asked you? How did you respond? How were you changed?

Curiosity is a foundational character trait I have always owned. My parents encouraged me to ask questions and seek to understand the world around me.  Just as a compass points north, mine points towards a search for meaning in my life. I was missing grounding in my life. I longed for something to help me take my search to the next level.

Being a Dad has provided me with all the motivation I needed to jump-start my unknowingly meaningless life.

Before kids, my work life was my identity. I sunk every ounce of energy I had into work. I clung to the financial security of my six-figure salary. I rewarded my employer’s financial commitment by working harder to make a difference every chance I got. I routinely logged 60-70 hours a week. I genuinely cared about my fellow employees and the work we did. I remain friends with some wonderful people I met along the way.  I cherish some wonderful memories we created together. These events shaped the path I have traveled. As rich as the experience may have been, I derived no real deep heartfelt meaning from my work life identity.

Can you relate to this story?

Being a Dad turned my life inside out and upside down. Suddenly, nothing was more important in my life then my son. He ushered in an opportunity for me to cut through the superficial randomness of my daily life, and slow down enough to ask myself a powerful question.

What do I really CARE about?

Knowing the question is all fine and well, but answering it another story. This required reflection and true commitment to finding the real me. I needed to find courage to ask and answer these provocative questions.

You are familiar with these questions. They periodically pop into your thought process from time to time. They tug and pull at you trying to get your attention.

Will the real David McGraw please stand up?

Kids do the same thing. They tug and pull at you. They challenge your ability to focus and completely focus your attention to them. Being a parent requires skills we have not refined.

Basic skills are the same as being able to solve 1st grade math problems.  We all can do basic addition and subtraction. We take these skills for granted and think nothing of our ability to perform them.

Calculating if we have enough money to retire on requires skills well beyond our 1st grade math ability. Raising kids requires advanced skills. Finding out what matters most to us, what we really CARE about, requires advanced skills.

Taking work seriously was naturally easy. Taking my cares seriously was as hard for me as raising kids.

I was avoiding these questions my entire life. As I held my son for the first time, I felt true joy. I felt me.

To the world I maybe one person, but to one person I may be the world.

Instantly, he was what mattered most to me. The joy I experienced was only rivaled by seeing my beautiful bride begin her journey down the aisle to marry me. They events were extremely important to me. They were what I CARED about!

What I care about has become the most important operating principle I live by. I am motivated and directed by my cares. I bring these cares with me into every conversation and action. My wife and kids provide the grounding I need to confidently live by my cares. They push me closer to my cares and propel me towards the meaningful life I desire.

Being a Dad is not just about raising kids, it is about writing a meaningful life story.  A story worth living. A story I care about.

Are you writing a life story you care about?

One of the male rites of passage is to become a father. The day my son was born was the first day of my new life. My journey to being a dad was a little longer than most and filled with so many lessons.

My wife and I spent a few years unsuccessfully trying to have children. We lost hope. We felt defeated. We hit rock bottom. Our struggle was sucking the life out of our relationship. We tried to escape our emotions and by creating distractions from our struggles.

We buried ourselves in our jobs. We bought higher end material goods. We traveled more. We withdrew from interaction with our friends. None of these actions satisfied our true emotional needs. We were too self-absorbed in our individual sorrow to see what we really needed.

I convinced myself that if God meant for us to have children, we would. My wife wanted to pursue other options. I resisted them. I put up every argument you can image. I hunkered down in my self-pity and disappointment. My wife patiently waited me out.

In the fall of 2002, she convinced me to try IVF.  Unknowingly to her, I went internally kicking and screaming through the process.  You see, I was resigned to a certain outcome. If it is meant to be, then it will happen.  I did it for Anne.

Outwardly, I was confidently strong and told Anne we were going to be successful. We were meant to be parents and good parents we shall be.

I remember the big day…I had not felt nerves like that since our wedding day eight years earlier. Dr. Gordon showed us a picture of the eggs…he called one of them our little superstar. He put on his favorite song and away we went.  Quick, simple, and painless.

Two weeks passed before our next check up. Talk about nervous anxiety. Anne and I spent a lot of time reassuring each other this was going to work. The test results can back positive, but we still did not know for sure. We had to wait another two weeks before we could celebrate.

What happened next for me still puzzles me to this day.  I was numb to it all. I had no emotional connection to the pending birth of my son. Nothing through all the ultrasounds. Nothing through the Lamaze class. Nothing through the decorating of the nursery. Nothing during the baby shower. Nothing.  Nothing. Nothing. What was wrong with me?

I think the best rationalization I can come up with is I was in denial and I was escaping from the reality of the moment. I guess it should come as no surprise to me, I had emotionally checked out to having kids a few years earlier.

On July 29, 2003, my life began again. Everything changed the moment I first held Riley.

My relationship with my spouse changed. My relationship with work changed. My relationship with my friends changed. My relationship with myself changed. Even if I did not know it at the time, all these changes were for the better.

All I needed was to figure out how to integrate all my life parts together. I had to figure out how to live again. Luckily, I had a son and a wonderful wife to help show me the way.

Seven years and three boys later, I am still learning every day what it means to be a father.

Fatherhood has been a life changing experience for me. Having kids is one of the  greatest joys a man can experience.

Welcome to Being A Dad!

If you are a Dad, then you have a story to tell.  Please share your story in the comment section below.