Curiosity is a foundational character trait I have always owned. My parents encouraged me to ask questions and seek to understand the world around me.  Just as a compass points north, mine points towards a search for meaning in my life. I was missing grounding in my life. I longed for something to help me take my search to the next level.

Being a Dad has provided me with all the motivation I needed to jump-start my unknowingly meaningless life.

Before kids, my work life was my identity. I sunk every ounce of energy I had into work. I clung to the financial security of my six-figure salary. I rewarded my employer’s financial commitment by working harder to make a difference every chance I got. I routinely logged 60-70 hours a week. I genuinely cared about my fellow employees and the work we did. I remain friends with some wonderful people I met along the way.  I cherish some wonderful memories we created together. These events shaped the path I have traveled. As rich as the experience may have been, I derived no real deep heartfelt meaning from my work life identity.

Can you relate to this story?

Being a Dad turned my life inside out and upside down. Suddenly, nothing was more important in my life then my son. He ushered in an opportunity for me to cut through the superficial randomness of my daily life, and slow down enough to ask myself a powerful question.

What do I really CARE about?

Knowing the question is all fine and well, but answering it another story. This required reflection and true commitment to finding the real me. I needed to find courage to ask and answer these provocative questions.

You are familiar with these questions. They periodically pop into your thought process from time to time. They tug and pull at you trying to get your attention.

Will the real David McGraw please stand up?

Kids do the same thing. They tug and pull at you. They challenge your ability to focus and completely focus your attention to them. Being a parent requires skills we have not refined.

Basic skills are the same as being able to solve 1st grade math problems.  We all can do basic addition and subtraction. We take these skills for granted and think nothing of our ability to perform them.

Calculating if we have enough money to retire on requires skills well beyond our 1st grade math ability. Raising kids requires advanced skills. Finding out what matters most to us, what we really CARE about, requires advanced skills.

Taking work seriously was naturally easy. Taking my cares seriously was as hard for me as raising kids.

I was avoiding these questions my entire life. As I held my son for the first time, I felt true joy. I felt me.

To the world I maybe one person, but to one person I may be the world.

Instantly, he was what mattered most to me. The joy I experienced was only rivaled by seeing my beautiful bride begin her journey down the aisle to marry me. They events were extremely important to me. They were what I CARED about!

What I care about has become the most important operating principle I live by. I am motivated and directed by my cares. I bring these cares with me into every conversation and action. My wife and kids provide the grounding I need to confidently live by my cares. They push me closer to my cares and propel me towards the meaningful life I desire.

Being a Dad is not just about raising kids, it is about writing a meaningful life story.  A story worth living. A story I care about.

Are you writing a life story you care about?

Related posts:

1. Being a Dad changed my life forever
2. The trouble with learning
3. Opening the door to our cares

We cannot escape the noise. Noises interrupt our life. Noise distracts us from focusing on what is important to us. Noise slows our progress towards accomplishing our goals and dreams. Noise blocks us from listening to our internal intuition. Noise stops us from taking purposeful action.

Not all noises are distractions we need to restrict from our diet. Reading expands our learning and teaches us about current thinking and trends. Listening to music brings calmness and stimulates our creative thinking. Watching videos helps us see the world through the creative lens of the content provider. Playing video games opens the door to competitive fun. Interacting with kids teaches us about ourselves and creates a window opportunity to see the world through curiosity and wonderment of a child. Engaging in conversation on a social media platform gives us a chance to share, connect, and learn about how we show up in the world.  Talking with friends and loved ones warms the heart.

Too much noise is the problem. We make a choice to succumb to the noise or to allow it to distract us from our personal growth. Like it or not, noise is a part of our lives and is here to stay.

We need to find a way to separate the distraction noise from purpose driven noise.

Wait….I like all the noises in my life. Of course you do. We are social animals and we like to keep ourselves busy. We like to go-go-go. We like instant gratification. Noise is an addiction.

Do you ever complain about not having enough time or being overwhelmed?  Do you wish you could do more of the things you love? Do you feeling trapped by your current situation? Answering “yes” to any of these questions, is a sign of noise controlling your life. The noise is keeping us from finding out who we really are and what we really want out of life.

We need to become more discipline and pragmatic with our approach to noise. Setting time boundaries around when and for how long we engage in noises is not good enough. Rigid structures tend to feel trapped and confining. They take away our freedom. They crush our spontaneous creative enjoyment of life.

We can navigate our way through the noise mind-field with a more nimble and flexible engagement plan. To be successful, we have to slow down and pay attention to what is happening inside us.

Slowing down creates new possibilities for ourselves. We think more creatively, make better decisions, and move rapidly towards our desires. We aligned with what matters most to us.  We act on purpose. We do away with the noise.

Is the noise controlling you or are you controlling the noise?

Related posts:

1. What do you want to be when you grow up?
2. Is responsibility keeping you down?
3. Listening to the voices of doubt will get you nowhere fast

You will remember January 27, 2010 forever.

Apple’s long rumored innovative trans-formative device will be unveiled to the masses.  No device has been more highly anticipated than this one.  We expect Steve Jobs to knock it out of the park.  He will paint a brilliant masterpiece describing how this device will change the world.  We want to believe. We want hope.  We want this device. We do not need to know what it is. We want it anyway. We want this to be something trans-formative. We will buy as many as Apple can produce.  Santa Claus is delivering our presents today.

President Obama delivers the most important speech of his young presidency.  A year ago, he entered office to change Washington; to transform the world. We believed. We hoped. He was last year’s Santa Claus. Something happened. Our expectations went un-met.  We lost hope. We stopped believing.  Deep inside, we still want to hope. We still want to believe. We still want something trans-formative. Tonight, he will try desperately to restore our hope and belief.

Will you pay attention and listen as eagerly to President Obama as you will to Steve Jobs today?

These events are important for you, for our country, and for the world. Jobs and Obama will send a message to the masses.  The masses will decide if they believe in the message. You will decide if you believe. You will decide to restore or withhold your own hope.  Today, is your day to decide.

What can you do to restore hope and belief in your future?

Related posts:

1. Being a Dad changed my life forever

The last couple of posts (Re-Gifting, Unwrap your gifts )  have focused on bringing your natural gifts into the forefront of your life. In doing so, we share ourselves in a more authentic way.  We show up in every interaction and situation consciously bearing our gifts.  People recognized what we have to offer and crawl out of the woodwork to receive what we have to offer.  Maybe they always have, but now we are keenly aware of it.

There is something different about it this time around.  Even though we are uncomfortable sitting in the spot light, we like the new-found attention.  It’s an odd, strange feeling to moderately enjoy attention.  We feel good about ourselves and passively seek more. Our old habits and voice tell us to escape back to the safety and comfort of a quiet place. We know this no longer fits our description of who we are.  We no longer want to keep our gifts from the world.  We want to share them and experience all the great feelings this attention bring to us. We crave more.

What do we do with all this new-found glory?

The answer is simple….we take our gifts and we apply them to the things we CARE about most.

A much harder question is what do you CARE about?

CAREs are our highest-level needs, our inner burning desires, or our own personal conditions for satisfaction.  They are ideals that we live by (i.e. I am a loving husband), things we are passionate about (i.e. I am helping others find their passion for life), or lofty goals (I am saving money for my kid’s college tuition).  Living by our CAREs is intrinsically part of our lives.

The more we embody our CAREs; the more purposefully we act and the more meaning we have to our life. We take ownership and responsibility for our actions and in-actions. We begin to reduce our emotional attached to things that are not aligned with our CAREs. We invite playful energy and lightness into our daily lives. Our daily intentions, actions and commitments are clear and resolute.  We are aligned with who our soul desires us to be.

What you CARE about?

Related posts:

1. Are you ready to unwrap your gifts?
2. Creating Flow Through Our Cares
3. Re-gifting: Offering our gifts to the world

A recurring theme keeps surfacing in conversations I have with my coaching clients is what do I want to be when I grow up? (aka “life purpose”).  I welcome this question with open arms.  This big picture thinking opens the door to a much richer discussion. It also tells me the client is committed to their journey of self-discovery and growth as a human being.

I used to struggle with this seemingly insurmountable life purpose mountain of responsibility question. It is very overwhelming to believe we all have a life purpose and not know what it is.  I did self-discovery exercise after self-discovery exercise.  None of them seemed to yield the response I was looking for.  Of course, that assumes I knew what I was looking for. One day it just hit me…it not a singular action, it is a theme to live your life by.  It does not need to be overly complicated. Apply the KISS (“Keep it simple stupid”) principle.

I asked a different set of questions with new eyes.  What is a common theme in your life? What a pattern continues to repeat itself?  Voila! The pattern emerged from the darkness and became clear as day.

I have lived my life trying to learn something new every day while continually challenging myself to grow and expand my abilities.  In the simplest pure form, my life purpose is to becoming a better version of myself every day.  This declaration freed me from the introspective search burden I was carrying and opened a new world of possibilities.

I now had a foundation to build upon.  Every action from here on out can be in conscious support of becoming a better version of myself.  Every action I take with my clients can be in support of helping them become a better version of themselves.

Extending this concept from an “I” world into a “We” world opens the door for us to have a common relationship purpose. Help each other to grow and become better versions of ourselves.  Adoption of this principle creates fertile ground for relationships of compassion, understanding, and selfless behavior.

Under these conditions, we look forward to investing our time and energy in our relationships. We bring enthusiasm and passion to each interaction. We share in a more open and meaningful way. We allow ourselves to be vulnerable and we feel safe doing so.  There is genuine interest and care in our relationships.

I believe we all share this purpose in life.  I am committed to becoming a better version of myself every day, and to help those whom I care about to do the same.

What purpose are you committed to?

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