I’ve spent much of my life trying to find a perfect balance between “I have to do X” and “I want to do Y.”  As a result, I’ve often denied myself an opportunity to live and really enjoy the present moment.

Every activity can be viewed as have to, want to, or get to. 

“Have to” energy drains the life out of us. Obligation and responsibility fills our being. We act to meet other’s expectations and not our own.  We do to do. We give a small piece of our selves away every time we choose to view an activity as “have to.” “Have to” activities hold us in the past.

“Want to” energy is filled with hope, optimism, and excitement. Goals and dreams live in this realm. A positive experience with fulfilling our “wants” builds our confidence, fearlessness, and drives our self-beliefs on what we see as possible. Conversely, our negative experience with not fulfilling our desires fills our world with frustration and regret. “Want to” ideology only works when we can turn them into “get to” action. Without this step, we live in a fantasy world.

We can dream about what we want, but what’s the point unless we are willing to take action?

“Get to” energy is action oriented langage designed for living in the now. Imagine experiencing every activity as it is and not as we want it to be or it has to be. Reframing how we see “have to” or “want to” activities makes all the difference. Fully present in the moment, we are more aware and can easily let go of any preconceived expectations. We can be free of our self limiting beliefs. We can be grateful for all that exists in this moment. Nothing else matters. Living with “get to” energy is a privilege worth pursuing.

Everyday changes are new opportunities where we get to…

The only thing certain in life, is change.  Finding ways to transition through changes is how we evolve. Forward momentum comes from changing our relationship to present moment. When we are present, we can change our perspective to what is possible. We can stop resisting life and start living it.

Today, I get to shift my being from “Have to” energy to “Get to” energy.  

Will you join me in making this shift?

Today, you get to…

I’m wired to curiously explore the world I live in. To find finds ways to expand my comfort zone and go beyond what’s obvious to me.  I’m learning to unlearn the patterns of behavior that do not serve me.

I want to become the best version of myself and I want to help you do the same.

I’d never ask you to change or become the person I think you can be.  I want to inspire and motivate you into taking the deeply satisfying journey I am on.

Are you willing to unlearn and rewire your patterns?

Every day we get up and settle into playing roles. Roles push us into routines to comfortably cruise through the day, weeks, months, and years.

Routines are safe, comfortable and best friends with the reactive status quo.  They are fueled by the energy of doing to do.  Heads down and focused only on what is in front of us; never seeing the big picture in our lives.

I don’t want to spend my time and energy knocking things off a to-do list, handling the crisis du jour, watching the latest celebrity train wrecks, and getting up the next morning to repeat the same routine. I don’t want to live like that.

I want to be the superstar actor who gets to pick and choose the roles he plays.

Healthy proactively focused routines push us towards a life worth living. Our attention focuses on creating a future filled with new possibilities.

We look for and embrace new opportunities and experiences. We are curious and are always asking questions. We seek to expand our awareness of who we are and how the world sees us. We strive to become the best version of ourselves. We commit to the process.

I can’t just teach. I have to become more teachable myself.

How can I become the best version of myself if I am unwilling to challenges my attitude and belief system. I have to become a better student. I have to be willing to unlearn. I have to believe there is always more to learn.

Every moment provides an opportunity to learn and expand our possibilities.

Becoming teachable is not a quick fix magical smoothie we can drink for breakfast. It’s a lifelong practice of learning, unlearning, and relearning again.

Only you can decide if you are truly teachable.

Are you teachable?

When the answers to our questions become obvious, then we have stopped flexing our imagination muscles. Pushing beyond the comforts of our default response occurs by accessing our imagination to explore the less apparent.

Imagination powerfully puts aside the past behaviors and outcomes to focus on the possibilities of the present moment. Right now is the opportunity to uncover new possibilities for our self.

Imagination is an expression our soul’s desires.

I used to be an avid golfer. I played 40+ rounds per year and carried a 10 handicap.  I cherish the memories of playing some of the world’s greatest golf courses. I learned so much about myself while chasing a white ball.

I shot my best rounds when I allowed my imagination to rule my play. Instead of analyzing and playing it safe, I‘d look for the most fun creative shot I could find and take it.

My simple philosophy was, don’t think, visualize, commit, swing.

The more imaginative detailed I added to my pre-shot visualization, the more successful I was in committing to and executing the shot. Visualize the line and target and watch the magic happen.

I did not arrive at this place easily.  I practiced. I failed, and then I practiced again and again.

First time I relied solely on my imagination was absolutely magical.

I was in Myrtle Beach with the guys as part of an annual golf getaway. We did not play your typical leisure rounds on these trips. Games were highly competitive with more than a few dollars on the line.

Round 1 was a disaster. I found every bunker on the course en route to a 116. Easily the worst round I had shot in years.  I choked under the pressure and allow external events beat me.

As I prepared for round 2, the obvious choice would have been to focus swing mechanics. I choose not to worry about them and to visualize every shot. It worked!  After 8 holes, I was 2 over par.  Then, I did the unthinkable; I abandoned my plan and stopped visualizing.  Failure quickly followed.

Three double bogeys later I was standing on the 12th tee shaking my head in disbelief. I recommitted to visualization and righted the ship finishing the day with an 84, 32 shots better than the day before.

My imagination helped me put aside behaviors that were preventing me from being more successful.

New possibilities were born by exploring the less obvious. I accomplished something I had only dreamed about. I did it! I shot a round of golf in the 80’s. In doing so I honored a part of me I was suppressing.

Using our imagination is honoring our soul’s desires.

Harnessing the power of your imagination is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.

How can you let your imagination run free?

The opportunity we have been waiting for is always present in our lives.  Being aware and knowing when to take advantage of them is at the heart of all life lessons.

As a parent of 3 boys (age 7, 6, and 3), I am lucky to be presented learning opportunities everyday.  Part of being a parent is to provide our kids with a safe loving learning environment.  As parents, we are responsible for doing the best we can to nurture and guide our kids through their own life lessons.

Truth is, our kids are equally guiding us through our own life lessons.

I awoke this past Monday morning to quiet and darkness. I started to drift back to sleep. Feverish panic began to set in.  We were late for a very important date. Clock read 6:07 and my son Riley (age 7) was due on the ice at 6:45 for his hockey lesson.

I rushed to get dressed and headed downstairs to hustle us out the door and to the rink.  To my surprise, early riser Riley was still asleep.  Further panic set in.  I don’t like to be late.

I feel I am breaking my commitments when I am.

With our amazing super human powers, we made it to the rink and on the ice by 6:43. Two minutes to spare. I went to get coffee while Riley casually warmed up. Peace and harmony re-emerged.

10 minutes passed and I returned.  Still no coach. In an effort to maximize our ice time, I game Riley some drills to work on.

10 more minutes passed. Riley was steaming mad.  The first words out of his mouth were…

“He is a good coach, but he is not committed to me”

WOW….all those conversations with him about committing to his school work, guitar, and skating skills were really sinking in.  He understood and was applying the concepts to the present moment. I have never been more proud of him.

Before we could continue the dialog, another coach invited Riley into his group. This diversion was perfectly timed. I needed to reflect and formulate a plan to help Riley through this moment.

How can we both learn from this opportunity?

Learning is not accomplished by telling or doing for. Learning is best accomplished by immersing our selves in the moment, communicating our feelings, and doing for our selves.

Instead of providing solutions or answers, I allowed Riley to arrive at his own answers.  I let him share his feelings. I let him decide what he wanted to do.  I let him make his own decisions.

In the process, I honored my commitment to him to provide a safe loving learning environment.

Together, we turned a potentially harmful experience into a wonderful learning opportunity.  We learned a few valuable life lessons from each other.

What opportunity does this story present you?

Society shines a light on successful people. We idolize and glorify their achievements. We secretly wish we were like them. The truth is we are. We just choose to live a life without the fanfare and paparazzi.

Believing you are a successful person is a personal choice only you can make. Daily life events make up the stories we tell ourselves. These stories make-up our perceived reality. The truth is, daily events in your life do not determine your life’s success, YOU DO.

We need to refine our success perspective by taking a machete to the overgrown story vines that hide our ability to see our truth. Hidden in our stories are undeniable hard facts. Living proof that something exists or has happened.

Facts by themselves are relatively boring. Adding emotional color gives them life and makes us feel safe and secure in the world.

Our truth lies in-between the stories we tell and the hard facts of our life.

By stripping away the emotional story wrappers we use to put a positives spin on daily life events, we find our truth.

Stop using stories to help you feel safe and secure in the world. Embrace and learn from the events that make you feel insecure and vulnerable. Honor your thoughts and feelings.

Finding your truth is your path to freedom. Real safety and security is found in knowing your truth.

The truth frees us to discover all the beauty and goodness in our life.

When we discover our truth, we will find the only way to live is to live by our TRUTH.

Fear not, the truth shall set us free.

You are a SUCCESSFUL PERSON right now. Live your truth!

What does it mean to feel alive and in the moment? Everything is perfectly aligned and free of distraction. Completely immersed in the activity. Your body, emotion, and language are acting in sync with each other.

You would not trade this moment for any other.

Moments like this crop up from time to time. The more we allow ourselves to be present in the moment, the more we invite these experiences into our lives.

Coaching my son’s Mite Ice Hockey team creates such a moment for me.  My spirit comes alive on the ice. Love not fear rules the experience.  The magnetic energy of 7/8 year-old boys lights me up. Their smiles bring me joy. Their fearless determination inspires for me to raise my game.

Creating a positive fun learning experience for all is the magic within.

When do you experience these moments? Share your joy.

Participating the first 11 days of the #reverb10 challenge has been more fun than I could have anticipated.  Every day, participants are given a topic to write on. Telling stories through personal experience is a stimulating way to write. Sharing stories is a chance for us to connect with each other.

Today, suggested topic rubs me the wrong way.

What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

(Author: Sam Davidson)

Davidson aims to help us boost our lives by creating a plan of action for clearing out things we don’t want.  He believes in eliminating distractions to find your passions. We share the same intention, to help people find their passions and live their dreams. I don’t know anything about him, but I like him.

I have a natural resistance to his questions. Do you?

We have an emotional attachment to those 11 things. To remove them, we need to remove the underlying power they hold on us. There’s a good chance many of the 11 planned removal items are tied to one belief.

Simply showing the items the back door will not change the belief all by itself.

Focusing on 11 things doesn’t go far enough. The questions ask us to spend our time and energy on things we don’t want. Why would we want to do that?

Will this approach change anything? Will there just be new things we want to get rid of? When does it end?

How many times have you dumped a relationship only to find yourself back in the same relationship again? Changed jobs and still been dissatisfied. Cleaned out the garage and found it cluttered weeks later.  Lost weight and put it right back on.

For lasting change we need to replace our core beliefs with new beliefs that support what we need.

When it comes to creating new beliefs about our self, there are no silver bullets. We have choices to makes. We can focus on things we’d like to get rid of or we can begin to write a new story for ourselves. We can focus on the opportunities we have.

We can start by re-writing this assignment.

What are 11 things your life needs in 2011? What do you need to make this happen? Who do you know who can help you bring these 11 things to life?

We can choose to focus on our opportunities not our obstacles.

As we approach the holiday season, there are more and more parties to attend. I find social gatherings awkwardly stimulating. Do you?

People tend to sit in two camps, do I have to go, and let’s get this party started. I find myself teeter totting between the camps. Some events I will not miss for the world. Others, I want to avoid like the plague at the first invite words.

What is my resistance costing me?

I’ve come to believe that if I am resisting something it is a sure sign I am supposed to be doing it.  My resistance comes from all kinds of symptoms.

Here are a few stories I have told myself over the years.

I don’t like to:

• Hang out in crowds.  (Truth: Once I’m there, I’m a social butterfly)
• Talk to strangers (Truth: They won’t bite; everyone is interesting)
• Dress up (Truth: Jacket and tie…hmm…I don’t really mind it)
• Take time away from family time (Truth: Family is first. Exceptions can be made)

I could write a much more extensive list, but I won’t.  I’m sure you can add to the list on your own.

I think exploring the topic of resistance is an interesting but always leads me back to self-denial. What are we denying our selves?

What we resist is most likely exactly what we need.

There is a strong chance that we will truly enjoy the thing we are resisting. When resisting, we quickly generate lots of excuses for “why not.” Our excuses are roadblocks to action.

Our excuses are premeditated disappointments.

What? Who am I disappointing? There is only one person that could be.

YOU

Truth is, we have nothing to gain by resisting and making excuses.  We are just denying our unrecognized needs.

Next time you are making excuses for something you are resisting, notice what you are feeling. Seek to understand why you are making excuses.

Find a way to honor your unrecognized needs.

I look forward to see you at the next party.  I’ll be the guy waiting to talk to you.

I’m perfectly comfortable living on the fringe of society.

My life is about being different. I’ve been a square peg in a round hole. My opinions and perspective rarely fit into mainstream dialog.

My intuition alerts me to things before there is data to support them. I see the forest when others only see a tree.

I’ve struggled to bridge the gap in conversations. My intentions have been misunderstood.

I move at a faster pace than most. My cart is usually before the horse.

What rules? Aren’t they all just a framework for action?

I am able to help people and companies become the best version of themselves.

I am a trusted and valuable resource. I am a versatile innovative big thinker. I challenge the status-quo. I push conversations beyond their established boundaries.

I am kind-hearted and generous. I am humble and modest. I like to explore and share ideas.

I am fun spontaneous and adventurous. I love to instigate.

I am straightforward and honest. I’ve been known to make people comfortably uncomfortable.

Together, we dream the impossible and then make it happen.

Openly speaking about my abilities does not come easy for me.

I am not a self-promoter by any stretch of the imagination. My intention is to provide assistance in any way I can.

If you are a regular reader of my posts, you know that I share my pains, struggles, and lessons learned.

Today’s #reverb10 challenge pushes my comfort zone.

I accepted the challenge and will be happy to answer any unanswered questions.

What questions do you have for me?

Letting go of the stories we tell ourselves requires courage and commitment. A unstoppable willingness to move past the stories that do not serve us. To let go, we can’t just simply ignore and stuff them in the closet. We have to bring them out in the open and shine a light on them.

The rewards that await us cannot happen without allowing ourselves to experience the darkness our stories hold. Only then can we reach the light at the end of the tunnel.

Our perception of our reality is what needs to be let go of.

The stories we tell ourselves are not our reality. They are just stories we cling to. Our stories have the power to limit or expand how we define ourselves. When we talk about letting go, we are really talking about releasing ourselves from the emotional hold stories have on our current perception of our reality.

Release and the light will shine brightly.

Letting go is an ever-evolving process. Our everyday stories are intertwined with the core fundamental stories that are holding us back. As we release one story from our dominant pattern of behavior, another one is sure to replace it. Our individual story patterns are inner related to each other.

Successful letting go comes by avoiding story isolation and building a supporting pattern of beliefs.  Ultimately, identifying our core story creates an expansive space for us to remove the power that story currently holds and returns us to our desired state of being.

We expand our possibilities by changing our story, by changing the current relationship with ourselves and with the world we live in.

Allow me to share a story I told myself. For a long time, this story held great power of me. I believed the story to be true. I challenged and rejected anyone who said it wasn’t.

I’m not exactly sure when this story took root. Best I can tell is 7^th grade. When is not as important as the story itself. Here’s the story.

I am a terrible writer. My grammar skills suck. I can’t spell. I don’t need to write.

This story contains nothing but darkness. Negative vibes radiate in my body as I typed those words. I can’t believe I lived with this story as long as I did.

Deep in my soul, I knew this story was complete rubbish. Gut feelings aside, I never took action to formally debunk and put it to rest. Many college professors encouraged me to write. They told me I had a gift. They told me I shined when my words appeared on paper. They gave me hope.

Hope provides a flicker of light in the tunnel of darkness.

Despite hope, I graduated from college and stopped writing on a regular basis.

I started writing again a little over two years ago. At first, I wrote for classes I was taking. Then, I wrote for me.  In August of 2009, I began publishing a blog as part of my business website. While I enjoyed telling stories and publishing articles, my story had not changed. I still did not think of myself as a writer.

Last spring, as the flowers bloomed, so did I. I emerged from the darkness. I am a writer.

What story do you need to let go of?