I’ve spent much of my life trying to find a perfect balance between “I have to do X” and “I want to do Y.”  As a result, I’ve often denied myself an opportunity to live and really enjoy the present moment.

Every activity can be viewed as have to, want to, or get to. 

“Have to” energy drains the life out of us. Obligation and responsibility fills our being. We act to meet other’s expectations and not our own.  We do to do. We give a small piece of our selves away every time we choose to view an activity as “have to.” “Have to” activities hold us in the past.

“Want to” energy is filled with hope, optimism, and excitement. Goals and dreams live in this realm. A positive experience with fulfilling our “wants” builds our confidence, fearlessness, and drives our self-beliefs on what we see as possible. Conversely, our negative experience with not fulfilling our desires fills our world with frustration and regret. “Want to” ideology only works when we can turn them into “get to” action. Without this step, we live in a fantasy world.

We can dream about what we want, but what’s the point unless we are willing to take action?

“Get to” energy is action oriented langage designed for living in the now. Imagine experiencing every activity as it is and not as we want it to be or it has to be. Reframing how we see “have to” or “want to” activities makes all the difference. Fully present in the moment, we are more aware and can easily let go of any preconceived expectations. We can be free of our self limiting beliefs. We can be grateful for all that exists in this moment. Nothing else matters. Living with “get to” energy is a privilege worth pursuing.

Everyday changes are new opportunities where we get to…

The only thing certain in life, is change.  Finding ways to transition through changes is how we evolve. Forward momentum comes from changing our relationship to present moment. When we are present, we can change our perspective to what is possible. We can stop resisting life and start living it.

Today, I get to shift my being from “Have to” energy to “Get to” energy.  

Will you join me in making this shift?

Today, you get to…

Energy gives us the fuel to take on more. To stay focused and present in the moment. To transition from one activity to another. To navigate change with greater ease. To be the best we can be.

Our personal and professional satisfaction depends on our ability to manage our energy levels.

Depleted energy levels lead us to act out, seek instant gratification, and make choices that do not support who we are or who we want to be.

When properly maintained, our bodies are efficient energy producers. They will provide all the energy required to seek personal and professional satisfaction.

How well are you managing your energy levels? Not sure, take this energy audit.

1. Energizers:  What do you enjoy doing? What activities are you proud of? Which ones do you look forward to? Why do you enjoy doing them? What impact are you having on people, ideas, or things that are important to you?

2. Neutral:  What are you doing that you don’t care about? Why are these activities unimportant to you?

3. Drains:  What are you spending time on that does not support who you are or want to be? How do you feel when you perform these tasks? Why do you do them?

Boundless energy is required to become the best version of ourselves. 

What are you doing to re-fuel your body?

REPEAT AFTER ME….There is no such thing as work life balance.

Work life balance is propaganda for the unconscious masses.

You will not find your dream life pursuing work life balance. Instead, you find yourself living in a nightmare.

Your dreams will die chasing this mythical unachievable high wire balancing act.

There is no separation between your personal and professional lives. 

We are the same person at work as we are at home. Try as we might, we cannot separate the two.

We are one whole human being. Our human components do not exist separately.

We have a conscious mind that loves to think and rationalize.

We have sub-conscious mind full of history, beliefs, attitudes, and emotional feelings.

We have spirit that seeks love, purpose, and meaning.

We have a body the provides the functional energy we need to live.

No matter where you go, you are there as one fully integrated human being.

We cannot deny this inevitable indisputable truth. We know no other way, but to be a whole human being.

We are who we are. Others are who they are. It’s time to stop separating these facts from reality.

Our futile attempts to seek a work life balance only serve to push us further away from our truth.

Chasing dreams requires finding our truth and finding a way to fully integrated all aspects of our being into everything we do.

Satisfaction comes from knowing we have fulfilled our needs and desires. Satisfaction is defined by living a life true to ourself, not a life others expect of us.

Aren’t you tired of trying to satisfy someone else’s needs and desires? 

Yet, every day the masses willingly choose to sacrifice their own personal satisfaction for professional satisfaction or vice-a-versa.

It’s time to put ourselves first. We are a fully integrated human being who desires both a personal and professionally satisfying life. It’s time to stop pretending we are not.

Our lives belong to us. We control the choices we make.

We choose to make choices that compromise or support our satisfaction. We answer to our decisions.

Give up this silly notion of Work Life Balance and start seeking personal and professional satisfaction in everything you do.

Start NOW. Say YES to the things that have meaning to you. Skip the rest.

Make choices that prioritize both your personal and professional satisfaction.

Your dream life demands it!

Car chase scenes pump adrenaline rushing through my veins. There is nothing better than a well-done car chase scene. Action movie makers know how to capture this feeling with the greatest of ease.  They know how to make the audience feel alive.

Speed, destruction and thrill are the name of the game.  We immerse ourselves into the scene and vicariously participate in the action.  We want to be living on the edge of uncertainty driving the lead car.

We want to live with adrenaline rushing through our veins.

Successfully escaping pursuit cars require the driver to trust his instincts and intuition, to anticipate and make quick decisions quickly, to solely focus on escaping.

Focusing on risks or fears will surely lead to a deadly crash or capture.  Survival instincts push the pursuit car drivers into taking risks and pushing their fears aside.

The pursuit driver knows “why” he is escaping. He is emotional connected to his path and purpose.  He is not thinking about the beach he is escaping to or the meeting he had with his boss that morning. He is intensely focused on living in the present moment. Everything else is irrelevant.

Passionate action inspires and motivates the driver.

Mistakes are just another pothole in the road. There is no time to dwell on them. There is only time to proactively focus situation and recalculate his escape path.

Knowing our “why” drives us to make pursuit driver decisions, to believe we will escape our pursuers, and reach the beach of our dreams.

Without an adrenaline rush, we are just a movie goer watching the car chase scene on the big screen.

Are you chasing your dreams or are you pursuing your fears?

Don’t you just love action films? They accelerate our heart rate and get our adrenaline pumping. Our bodies release endorphins that excite and energize us. We get lost in the flow of the action, lose track of time, and never want the film to end.

Lost in the flow of daily life can be a lot like a good action movie.

One of my favorite icebreaker questions to ask is, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Most responses are predictable; people say they are not going to grow up.

Life does not require us to grow up.  If fact, life does not require us to do anything.

Whatever words are used to answer this question is not as important as the emotion and body language used to respond. I can begin to discern if the person is passive or aggressive in taking action for himself or herself.

We can choose to coast through our daily lives or we can work on our legacy everyday.

Thinking about our legacy is a daunting task. I thought about the subject quite a bit and I have some ideas about what my legacy might be, but I am sure they are just today’s ideas.

What I’ve figured out is my ideas are ever-changing and evolving. What I thought was most important a year ago is not something I consider as relevant today.

My final destination and contribution is largely unknown to me.

I like the mystery of the unknown. It keeps me moving forward. Keeps me in action.

Forging ahead every day is the only way I know. I push the boundaries of my comfort zone on a daily basis. I test and re-test ideas I have on as many people as I can. In the process I learn something about them and I learn something about myself.

Every action taken is a step towards fulfilling my unknown legacy.

Coasting is great for saving gas and recharging your batteries, but it is no way to live your daily life.

We have 1,440 minutes every day to take action. How many will you spend taking action towards your unknown legacy?

Will your life be an action film worth watching?

Life handed me a basket of lemons and I do not want to make lemonade. I want to be mad! I want to pout. I want to cry. I want to scream out loud, “YOU’RE NOT FAIR…YOU SUCK!!!!!!” Life’s unfair!

Ever feel this way? Me too. We face the fairness dilemma every day like clockwork. The lack of fairness shows up in our lives in many forms of dishonesty, bias, superiority, injustice, or blame.

We were not born pre-equipped to handle fairness and be compassionate. Nor are we entitled to these character traits. We must develop these values through life experiences as we emotionally grow up.

A lot of frustration and sadness we experience comes directly from our perceived lack of fairness in the world. We transform these experiences into negative feelings. Negativity may provide some short-term sense of satisfaction, but it does not benefit us in any way shape or form. All destructive reactions do is reinforce our unwanted perceptions and expectations. Their continued presence propitiate more and more self-inflicted wounds.

Negative feelings suck all the motivation and momentum out of our forward progress. Negative feelings are the opportunity we have been waiting for. If we act quickly, we can locate the driving force behind what triggers this repeated experience. We have an opportunity to change the story we have been telling ourselves.  Change will restore our energy and enthusiasm for all the good that is in our lives.  Change will restore our forward progress. 

Consider this story.

Steve plays on an all-star travel team. He works hard and trains non-stop. He dominates practice, but cannot get playing time during the games. He is stuck behind the coach’s son (John) on the depth chart. Steve felt he was being treated unfairly.  He is angry with the coach. He is rude and mean to John. Steve believes   nothing is fair in life. No matter what he does, he will not get to play. He punishes himself and quits the team.

How could Steve have addressed his issues with fairness?

He could have… 

• Shared his feelings with his coach, parents, etc.
• Accepted and respected his coaches decision
• Accepted responsibility for his actions and behavior
• Thought about how his decision affected others
• Played by the rules

Unless Steve takes action to change his belief about this life event, his decision will most likely haunt him the rest of his life.  When he fails to get a promotion at work, he will probably emotionally checkout and find another job. He will continually see biased behavior in his life whether it is there or not. 

This one experience will be continually reinforced in his life because he expects it to occur. The pattern will continue until Steve puts an end to it.

People who proactively address their negative emotions are more aware of when their emotions are clouding their actions and judgment. They stop themselves from committing unforced errors. They accept people and situations for what they are. They accept themselves as they are. Compassion rules the day.

Compassion breaks down any judgment we hold and allows us to open our hearts to those around us.  We see ourselves as one with our fellow-man. We take proactive action to help each other practice these principles.  We find freedom in compassion.

Honor your feelings. Explore them. Have compassion for yourself and fellow-man. 

How has fairness influenced your life?

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of the same old same old. Get up, go to work, come home, sleep, and repeat.

Let’s do something different. Something fun. Something creative. Something we can laugh about. Something we can share with others. Something we can be proud of.

What ideas are percolating right now? Write them down. Share them in the comment section.

I’m imagining a day filled with spontaneous adventurous activity. A day to remember. A day that will only be trumped by tomorrow’s unplanned insanity.

What can you do break your daily routine? What small step can you take to remove the boundary lines and move beyond the electric fence?

Boundaries are limits we place on what is possible. A healthy lifestyle consists of healthy boundaries. The lines we create subconsciously lock us into limited behaviors. By removing these lines, we can access our creative right brain. Freeing us to visually explore our world and spontaneously play.

Do you miss play? I do.

Play sparks our senses. We feel, taste, smell, imagine, hear, and follow the bliss of the moment. When we play…we prioritize every moment through curiosity, adventure, and fun.

Isn’t that what life is all about?

Ask any 5-year-old what they want to do today….the answer will be unanimous…PLAY

Its time to play!

I’m ready to play.

Let’s play together.  Let’s build a playground together.

Are you ready to play?

Meet you on the playground.

In early October, I saw Cami Walker on the Today Show. She has written a wonderful book entitled “29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life .”  As the titled suggests, you can change your life in 29 days.

While I have not tried giving a gift a day for 29 days, I recently completed a month of tweeting something I am grateful for everyday.  This conscience daily effort has raised the bar on my feelings of gratitude.  I have been inspired to more deeply embrace all the good that is in my life.  I have expanded my recognition beyond the obvious things into to a greater awareness and appreciation for all the great things in my life.  I have more energy, love, and happiness. Better yet, I bring this energy to every conversation. As the saying goes, “Life is Beautiful.”

On Dec 1st, I will start my 29 days of offering a gift to the world.  You can follow my gift offerings on Twitter (@davidmcgraw).

If you feel inspired to do the same, please join me in the 29 day challenge. I promise you will be inspired to do bigger and greater things.

I look forward to hearing about your experience.

For more information on Cami Walker’s 29 Gifts program, please visit 29Gifts.org

We all say that some day things will change; we will take that vacation when we have more money or when we have more free time. When we have more confidence in ourselves, our job, our partner, we will be happy. When we get the new {fill in the blank}, we will be happy. We will have enough.

And yet I wonder – is that really the case? I look at my mobile phone and remember the feeling, just a few months back, when I was so excited about the convenience it would provide: faster reception, clearer connections, longer battery life; the smaller size was perfect for any purse. Yet today, I long for a newer model, a sleeker, faster version of this one. Each dropped call or slow connection to the net frustrates me and reminds me of its limitations.

The same is true of my house. It is so easy to focus on what is wrong with it and what needs to be repaired. A portion of the back yard is more weeds than grass. The half-finished flower bed needs to be finished. The closet door knob needs to be replaced so we don’t have to reattach one of the handles every week. The list is endless. Or is it?

At one time, I would have seen my current situation as only a dream. Had you asked me ten years ago if I would be satisfied with what I have and who I am today, I know what my answer would have been: Absolutely; I would be so appreciative. I would have more than enough. Who wouldn’t be happy?

Enough, at least in my world, is always something ‘out there’, and it exists in the future, without any sort of a boundary or frame of reference. It is not something we touch, much less remain in. It is an amorphous concept that we talk about as if it were real, thinking that when we get there or attain something, we will know it and experience satisfaction. And that little idea, which seems so very simple, puts us in perpetual forward motion. Like my cat chasing his tail, I am on a never-ending quest for ‘enough’, which will give me what I really long for: satisfaction, and peace.

I would be lying if I said that making my backyard into a showplace would give me more than a moment’s satisfaction. I would quickly find other things that needed to be done. More, better, faster – I have a lot of practice with those. I can measure them, touch them, see them. Once they are real, though, they become the new standard. Satisfaction and appreciation disappear as quickly as they appear. Sure, I can blame the advertising industry, our culture, the media, but that isn’t really fair. I am a human being, an adult, and I have a choice. I can choose to practice more, better, faster, or I can practice enough. And it all depends on the lens I look through.

I say that, because I know very well that there have been moments when I had enough, when I experienced satisfaction, and with it, peace and joy. When I reconnect with those moments, the current ‘feelings’ of not enough float away. One such moment was a few years ago as my husband underwent surgery for prostate cancer. When I think about that time, I can still connect with the visceral emotions I experienced that morning as I sipped coffee in the hospital cafeteria. My emotions were raw, and my thoughts raced through so many wasted opportunities,, arguments, choices, and decisions that separated us in one way or another. In that moment, any problems or imperfections, with him, our home, our relationship – even with me – melted away. I was focused on and appreciative for all the joys in my life, and it was enough. By focusing on what was good, I experienced satisfaction. When faced with the very real possibility of losing the love of my life, what mattered most became crystal clear. I had spent too much time looking through distorted lenses, focusing more on lack or gaps than on what and who really mattered. The heated arguments over undone household projects seemed petty and selfish. I vowed to take those distorting glasses off and leave them in that cafeteria. I would not let my lenses get cloudy again.

That does not mean, though, that I have given up ambition or the things I care about. Quite the opposite, in fact. By shifting my focus to what is important – to what I care about most – and the good that is all around me, the next action I need to take becomes more prominent. The path to ‘the me I want to be’ (thank you, Thomas Crum), the desire to serve, reveals itself as the fog of distraction lifts. When I stop, breathe, and reconnect to what I care about, my energy rises, and I am much more able to act in accordance with my values and desires. By first seeing the good, more possibilities exist. When I take the first step, then the second, and the third, my energy sustains me. Gratitude is the fuel for my soul, and keeps my vision clear.

Like any habit, though, those glasses have made their way back to me. Sometimes I notice, sometimes I don’t. I am learning that when my vision gets foggy and I feel drained of energy, I need to stop for a moment and take the glasses off and clean them. I stop, breathe, and look for the good. I pause, rest, and allow myself a short vacation in gratitude or silence. Voila – I see the world more clearly again. I see that I have so much good in my life, and I can experience the joy of satisfaction. I can recognize that more – with all its sultry promises – will never be enough. With a regular and consistent practice of just looking for the good instead of the gap, I can more easily reconnect with joy, peace and that wonderful sense of satisfaction on a more regular basis.

Hmmm…I haven’t yet practiced today. And I wonder, is it possible to ever reach a point where I have practiced ‘enough’ enough?

There is always more to learn about ourselves.  Humans are biologically programmed to seek solutions to our problems. We read self-help articles to get a few tips, change our perspective, contemplate some decisions, and temporarily feel better about ourselves. For some of us, temporary relief is all we need.  For others, the search continues.  Each search involves a conversation and a decision.

We are not sure what conversation with who we would like to start.  We don’t know if the other party will listen to what we have to say.  We make up stories that stop us from starting a conversation. What I have to say is not that important. There is no reason to make a big deal about this, or is there?

Sure, it is much easier to shy away from sharing our inner personal thoughts than it is to take a chance and expose ourselves to judgment and ridicule.  We retreat into the safe confines of our personal space.  We consciously choose to keep our true thoughts, feelings, and dreams to ourselves. We pretend we are being open and trusting by building our social network profiles full of clichés and non-essential facts without sharing what matters most to us. Sharing our true self scares the hell out of us and we avoid it at all costs. We carry this attitude and behavior into every relationship we enter into.

What does this cost us? The answer is simple; we are destined to create very few deep meaningful relationships.  Most of our relationships are shallow and meaningless.  We may never fully enjoy all that life has to offer. I have very little room in my life for the shallow relationships.  I no longer want to hide from the world.  It takes courage to own your power; to have the confidence and trust in yourself and others.  The world is only as safe as you allow yourself to see it.

I choose to share, trust, and develop deep meaningful relationships.  I accept people without judgment and to allow others to judge me as they will. I share details of my life and take an interest in the well-being of the people I interact with. I trust I know what is best for me. I am not afraid.  I am free.

My desire is for you to develop your own version of free and live it to the fullest.

The road to freedom begins by assessing who you are, what matters most to you, and developing a vision for where you would like to go.

In my last posting “Cliff Jumping,” I closed with some self-examination questions about what gives you energy and what takes it away?  These are not just questions, they are guidelines for making decisions about what to pursue and what not to pursue.  If we want to be free, then we need to pursue all the positive energy sources we can get our hands on.  This energy keeps us focused on the good that people have to offer.  It keeps us focused on the good we have to offer.

Living with positive energy keeps us from focusing on events and behaviors that are beyond our control.  We can only control ourselves and how we react to the daily situations that we find ourselves in. We choose how we respond to people, events, and news.  We are responsible for the energy we transmit to the world.  The choice is ours to make.

I am going to assume you want to live a life of freedom and positive energy.  If not, just do the opposite of what I am about to suggest, and you will attract all the trapped negative energy your heart desires.

My freedom journey led me to eliminate as much of the toxic negative energy sources as I could in my everyday life. Today, I crave positive uplifting energy and run for the hills when I don’t feel it.  To get to this point, I had to consciously become more attuned to the type of energy people carry with them. I set an intention and designed a practice to help me to become more aware.  Good news is, you already have these skills and unconsciously use them every day.  Turning this unconscious thinking into conscious thinking is all it takes to unlock your natural abilities and cultivate more positive energy into your life.

The practice is simple and requires virtually no time to do.  After each interaction, quickly ask yourself a few questions like:

How does this person make me feel?  Do they trigger a certain emotion response in me? Do I stay positive in our conversations?  Is what I am experiencing with them, a result of a current life event or a general disposition they live with?

Most of the time, I am able to confirm my observations on a person during our first interaction and I know whether not I would like to continue discussions with them.  Sometimes, I am not so certain and it takes a couple of interactions for me to be certain.  The more I practice, the better I become at developing my energy reading abilities.

A few years ago, I began a relationship decluttering exercise by taking an inventory of the people around me and how my positive energy was changed by being around them and the environment I knew them in.

My list began by relationships closest to me.  I gradually expanded that circle.  I grouped my relationships into the following life domains (family, friends, co-workers, and networking contacts).  I wrote down people’s names, grouped them, and identified how each of them made me feel energetically.  Next, I identified why I felt this way. Then, I made a “Yes or No” choice about whether the relationship was working in a way I would like it to work.

List made, I decided which relationships if I wanted to continue, end, or change. I graded them as follows:

a.  Good – Let the relationship continue on its path

b.  Bad – Cut your ties and move on

c.  Change – Take action to reenergize it

My list (no real names used here) looked like this:

Domain        Name  Energy     Why                            Work?  Status

Friend          Sally    Positive   Supportive, Pleasant   Yes      Good

Co-Worker   Jerry   Negative  Brings me down          No       Bad

Network       Joe     Neutral    Nice Guy, I like him      No       Change

I cut my interactions with the negative relationships right away.  Next, I set out to improve the positive not working relationships.  Decluttering our relationships is no different from cleaning out a closet and throwing away some clothes that no longer fit you. I have the freedom to determine which clothes I wear and which people I want to hang out with.  I choose who I want to develop deep meaningful relationships with. Through this process, I learn more about what is important to me, why it is important, what I want to focus on, and where I can best place my efforts and energy. I am free and you can be too.

Freedom begins with eliminating all the negative energy forces in your life. Are you ready to begin your inventory list?  Start your inventory today. You owe it to yourself.