How often we fail to realize our good fortune in living in a country where happiness is more than a lack of tragedy. ~Paul Sweeney

10 years ago, I awoke to a beautiful morning very much like today. I worked in Pentagon City about a 1/4 mile from the Pentagon crash site.
While returning from getting coffee, the news was covering the 1st plane that went into the WTC. The 7th floor of my building was a buzz.

Moments later, we watched in horror as the 2nd plane went into the WTC.

Suddenly, it was no longer a beautiful day. I’d describe the mood of the floor as one of disbelief and subtle outrage.

Before we could really grasp what was going on, our building began to shake. The loud roar of the engines echoed in our hearts. We knew immediately another plane was going to crash.

The loud explosion rocked our building. The fireball seemed to reach the sky. People began to scream and run for the exits.

Fear and panic had ripped through the safety and comfort we held freely in our hearts.

As I watched the smoke, it dawned on me, my brother worked in the Pentagon. I called his office. The women who answered asked why I was so panicked. I told what was going on. Just as I finished, the alarm bells in the background began to ring. She said, “Tom is not here, I have to go.”

The plane took out a cell tower on its way in. It was near impossible to reach our loved ones. My only concern was to make sure my brother was okay and to convey the same to my wife.

Before I left the building, I sent an instant message to a friend in Atlanta telling him the news. He replied, stop spreading rumors, this news is not on the internet or TV. Nearest I can tell it took at least 15 minutes for the Radio/TV to announce the news. To this day, I still don’t know what to make of this curious reaction. This would only take seconds in today’s world.

As I exit the parking garage, the streets were full of people standing around. Seemingly paralyzed by what had just occurred. I can still see the looks on their faces. A look of not know what to do next. I saw the same looks here in DC during the earthquake a few weeks ago.

90 minutes and 5 miles later I arrived home. I was finally able to talk to my wife. I did not reach my brother until hours later. He was in the parking lot when the plane went in and immediately got in his car and left for home. I spent the rest of the day watching the news and praying for the families.

We all react to adversity in different ways. My reaction was calm. I did not feel fear, panic, or anger. I only felt a strong need to understand why these people felt the need to give their lives to make a political statement.

A tragedy occurred 10 years ago today. I have a special place in my heart for the brave men and women who have given their lives to protect our freedom.

Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom, must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it. ~Thomas Paine

We cannot change the way people feel about us. We can choose the way we react to the events in our lives. We can choose not to rush to judgment, to forgive and let go of the past. The events 9/11 have helped teach me this lesson.

How did the events of 9/11 affect you? 

When you boil it down to its essence, all communication is about coordinating action with people. We fail when we are not clear with our language and intent.

What is obvious to me may not be obvious to you.

Relationships trust is established based on our ability to communicate in unison with each other. Healthy relationships are based on promise making, promise keeping, and promise managing. Promises are the foundation for our public identity, our effectiveness, and our well-being.

We may not call them commitments, but promises are agreements and decisions about who is going to do what, when, and how.  A commitment is a promise to ourselves and a promise to others.

We cannot have shared commitment without shared understanding. Our expectations are based on the promises we think we have made.

Unspoken expectations are premeditative broken promises.

People do not care about your expectations.  Or mine. They care about the commitments we make and keep.

A promise is a personal commitment people expect you to honor.

There are 3 types of promises.

1. Strong/Healthy Promises

• Promises I am fully committed to keep; You can count on me.
• If I am unable to keep my promise, I can renegotiate my original promise
• i.e. I will meet you for coffee at 8 am. I will complete my assignment on time.

2.— Shallow Promises

• Look like a strong promise, but an unspoken condition exists.
• i.e. Yes, I will play golf with you on Saturday (unless it rains or something else comes up)

—3. Criminal Promises

• Promises that at the moment we make them, we know we have no intention of keeping
• i.e.  Maybe…My son asks me to play with him when I am done, and I tell him maybe

Promises unkept are NOT equal to expectations unmet. 

       What promises are you making?

       Are you honoring those promises?

       What promises are you fully committed to honoring?

       What promises do you need to renegotiate?

Whether we are talking about self-improvement or implementing a new product line, one thing is true, action is required.   If we don’t take action, then we are left with hope as a strategy.  Relying on hope is like standing on a rickety old three-legged chair expecting not to land on an ER stretcher.

Much of the action that takes place in the world is knee jerk reaction. This means we are already playing catch-up before we even begin.  We attempt to solve or overcome some problem without an eye on the larger overriding issues of the day.

Reactive action is a hope strategy filled with endless cycles of running in circles while choking on clouds of meaningless dust.

Warthogs are instinctively reactive animals. They have a keen ability to sniff out trouble and within a moments notice flee the scene. Moments into their reactive dusty sprint, they forget why they are running and stop cold in their tracks.

The same thing commonly occurs in business. We quickly react to a competitor’s action and just as fast deviate off our course to address something that may or may not impact our business. More importantly, this over reaction takes us further from who we are and what we are offering our customers.

Don’t be a warthog unless you like running in circles.

The way out of this dusty spiral is to get aligned with an Action Road Map.

• Ideation – Big picture idea, structured action steps for achieving
• Why – Why is this idea important? To you? To the people you serve?
• Connect – Emotionally connect your audience to your idea
• Action – Activate and empower your audience to take action

At a high level, this seems very rudimentary and that may be so. Before you completely dismiss this as more of the same, ask yourself a simple question.

Why am I living in such a reactionary world?

I promise you, the answer is not as simple as you think it is.

Solutions are simple. People make them complicated.

Need further proof, click here to find an unbelievably complex simple one-page Action Road Map.

I told you people make solutions complicated.

Do you want to learn more about how to apply these concepts to you life and your business? Send me an e-mail at david@wevivify.com

I’m perfectly comfortable living on the fringe of society.

My life is about being different. I’ve been a square peg in a round hole. My opinions and perspective rarely fit into mainstream dialog.

My intuition alerts me to things before there is data to support them. I see the forest when others only see a tree.

I’ve struggled to bridge the gap in conversations. My intentions have been misunderstood.

I move at a faster pace than most. My cart is usually before the horse.

What rules? Aren’t they all just a framework for action?

I am able to help people and companies become the best version of themselves.

I am a trusted and valuable resource. I am a versatile innovative big thinker. I challenge the status-quo. I push conversations beyond their established boundaries.

I am kind-hearted and generous. I am humble and modest. I like to explore and share ideas.

I am fun spontaneous and adventurous. I love to instigate.

I am straightforward and honest. I’ve been known to make people comfortably uncomfortable.

Together, we dream the impossible and then make it happen.

Openly speaking about my abilities does not come easy for me.

I am not a self-promoter by any stretch of the imagination. My intention is to provide assistance in any way I can.

If you are a regular reader of my posts, you know that I share my pains, struggles, and lessons learned.

Today’s #reverb10 challenge pushes my comfort zone.

I accepted the challenge and will be happy to answer any unanswered questions.

What questions do you have for me?

Gratitude is the foundation of our happiness. Celebrating all the good we have in our lives warms our soul. We honor who we are at the deepest levels. We see the inner beauty we have to offer. We recognize the inner beauty of every one we meet.

Gratitude, don’t leave home without it!

As our genuine authentic self-bubbles to the surface, we communicate with heart. We love, serve, give, and add value first. We nurture and bring kindness to our relationships and ourselves. We see our relationships as an extension of ourselves.

We are one with our fellow-man.

I can oversell anything with the best of them. I don’t want to sell. I want you to experience gratitude for yourself.  I want you to own your gratitude. Sir Ken Robinson described it perfectly in his stellar book, “The Element.” Personal ownership comes in stages.

• Aptitude – I get it – Firm conceptual understanding
• Passion – I love it – We receive delight and pleasure from our experience
• Attitude – I want it – We have emotional connection
• Opportunity – Where is it? – We seek out this experience

In my last post, “30 days of Gratitude,” I invited you to join me in a daily practice of gratitude during the month of November.  By virtue of reading the last 2 posts, you have the aptitude and passion to fully experience all the good gratitude has to offer. The intention behind the design practice is to heighten your awareness beyond aptitude and passion by ascending to attitude and opportunity.

Put simply, to own your gratitude.

On November 1^st ,  you  have an opportunity to join a group in a month-long quest. Will you be joining us? Please join me in 30 days of daily status updates about something you are grateful.

If you are using Twitter, please add the hashtag #30Gratitude to your tweets so we can follow along and celebrate your success. On Facebook, “like” the WeVivify page and tag your status with WeVivify (@WeVivify).

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” – Wayne Gretzky

The month of November is for sharing our gratitude with each other and ourselves. Many of us struggle to give and receive in our lives. We grow and lead from the struggles and challenges we faced. Creating awareness and taking on our struggles is a gateway to being our true authentic self in the world.

Genuine leadership requires ownership of our own challenges.

Much of my life, I have struggled to accept all the kindness and good in my life. I ignored or brushed it off. I never owned it.

Last fall, my coach challenged me to integrate gratitude as part of my daily routine. With all my might, I resisted. I failed to recognize the benefits that fully embracing gratitude offered me. Given my life-long challenges, it is easy to see why I struggled to accept this challenge?

Being a coach myself, I knew resistance was a sure sign I was ignoring something that required my attention. After some self-talk, I reluctantly accepted the challenge. I set my intention to connect to what I was grateful for and to deeply feel gratitude when people offered it to me.

To be successful, I had to design an easy fail-safe daily practice. My practice needed to provoke my curiosity, expand my focus and clarity, and create a repeatable plan of action for inviting more gratitude into my life.

I turned to social media for my solution. Here is the practice I designed.

Every day during the month of November, I would tweet or update my Facebook status with something I was grateful for. Each update would focus on something new I was grateful for. I could not repeat the same tweet or subject matter. When I was offered gratitude, I would honor the person’s offering. Externally, I would acknowledge the offering and say “Thank You.”  Internally, I would tell myself I am loved and worthy to receive this gratitude offering.

November came and I began my practice. My practice was limited to my daily tweets for the first 2 weeks or so. Then something magical happened, people in my life started telling me how much they appreciated me. At first, it was just a couple of random occurrences, and then it became a daily occurrence. The more frequent they came, the more I struggle to hold onto my old beliefs. I started embracing my contribution and letting go of my struggle.

My daily gratitude efforts delivered everything I wanted and more. I fell in love with my life again. I owned my struggle. I continue to practice gratitude daily and I hope you are inspired to do the same.

Are you up for the challenge?

Please join me in 30 days of daily status updates about something you are grateful.

If you are using Twitter, please add the hashtag #30Gratitude to your tweets so we can follow along and celebrate your success. On Facebook, “like” the WeVivify page and tag your status with WeVivify (@WeVivify).

Scientific research suggests multitasking leads to distracted attention spans, unforced errors, and longer completion times. While all of those things have a strong impact on human productivity, they have a greater impact on our personal growth. Our fragmented efforts keep us from connecting with our true needs. Multitasking encourages more distractions to keep us from being present in the now.

Multitasking is the archenemy of living in the now.

I used to multitask with the best of them. I was proud of my abilities. I bragged about them. I helped a company market their product leveraging multitasking as the primary benefit. I was more efficient than the rest of you.

I pretended I had special abilities that separated me from the pack. I pretended my actions did not have an impact on my results. I pretended I was authentic and real. I pretended I present in the now. The only person I was fooling was myself.

Multitasking distracted me from who I am.

Distractions kept me from truly connecting with myself. I had to slow down. I had to stop multitasking. I had to become more present in the now. I had to connect with my thoughts and feelings. I had to do all this before I could find the meaning I was looking for in life.

We need connection to provide meaning in our lives.

My protectionist strategy delivered the exact opposite of what my heart desired. I failed. I wasn’t connecting with people or opportunities I was being presented.  I hid from my feelings. I hid from myself. I refused to allow myself to be vulnerable. I played it safe.

Being vulnerability leads to greater connection.

I had to learn to allow myself to be me. I had to learn to see others and situations for what they are. I had to learn to love myself before I could be vulnerable with others.

I struggle with challenges everyday. I fall back into old ingrained patterns. I dig myself back out. I am not afraid to be vulnerable with you. I find comfort and safety in sharing my story with you. In doing so, I learn from you. I learn from myself.  I love who I am and I am perfect just the way I am.  So are you.

Multitasking was a convenient excuse for me. It was easy to blame something or someone else for my own shortcomings and lack of awareness. The truth is, multitasking is just one of many behavioral roadblocks I placed in front of myself to keep me from being vulnerable.

I am not on this journey alone. I’ve had plenty of help along the way. I am deeply grateful to those who have provided support and direction. Together, we help each other. We are one.

I help people find safety and comfort to be themselves in the world.

How can I help you?

While the other person is speaking, we anxiously await our next interjection. We freely disrupt the ebb and flow with whatever random thought enters our conscious stream. We think we are having a one type of conversation and the other person feels they are having another conversation. We are not conversing with each other.

The only conversation we are having is one with ourselves.

In short, people suck at communication. They don’t care what you have to say and they don’t care what I have to say. People only care what they have to say.

We talk at each other, not with each other.

We experience every conversation in our own unique way. Our collective hodgepodge of personal values, beliefs, life experiences, and cultural makeup (race, religion, upbringing, etc) color our worldview.  Our unique perspective is full of unspoken expectations that affect every conversation we have.

The human race is highly evolved and more intelligent than any other species. We have mastered the art of conversation with ourselves. We fail miserably when it comes to communicating with other human beings.

I am guilty of practicing the art of lousy communication and so are you.

Please do not worry. It is not our fault. No one taught us how to properly communicate. School did not teach us. The workplace never tried. They expected us to know how before we got there. Our parents did their best they could.  Unfortunately, they never learned how to communicate themselves. Generations upon generations have perfected this failure to communicate cycle. We do not know any other way.

All this rationalization about our communication skills is just a bunch of self-serving justification and excuse making.

There are NO EXCUSES for lousy communication skills.

I do not care about your excuses and you do not care about mine. We make the choice to continue the cycle.  We choose to remain a bunch of individualists with unevolved communication skills.

We are responsible. We have no one to blame. We can make an effort to be present and attentive in our conversations. We can let go of our need to voice our point of view. We can be more curious about what the other person has to offer. We can stop talking at each other and start talking with each other. We can be more self-aware. We can identify when we are off course. We can stop repeating the communication sins of previous generations.  You can take action to break this cycle. The question is, will you?

Are you up to the challenge of changing your communication practices?

Yes, I am a huge hockey fan and I know you may not be.  The following story is about how the leadership of a hockey franchise transcended the game into leadership lessons we can use. Thanks for sticking with me, and let me know what you think.

(Courtesy of Toni L. Sandys/The Washington Post )

On December 28, the Washington Capitals traded their Captain Chris Clark.  When the trade occurred, the Caps had just beaten two top teams, and won four out of their previous five games. The team was clicking on all cylinders. General Manager George McPhee saw an opportunity to improve the product on the ice. The Caps traded Captain Clark and Milan Jurcina for a big speedy rugged forward name Jason Chimera.

Did GM McPhee find a missing puzzle piece? Hockey players are people just like you and me. Players can resist change just like the rest of us.  React they did. Turmoil set in. The Caps lost their next three games and played very poorly in two of them.

Regardless of the reason, it is never easy to change leadership.  With the ice flooding with water, the Capitals announced Alex Ovechkin as team Captain on January 5, 2010 hours before game time. Moments into the game the PA system introduced to the sold out crowd their new Captain.  The energy in the building changed from a flat calm to a fiery un-leash the fury celebration.

That night, the Zamboni left a smooth sheet of ice for them to skate on. Their team transformation and maturity took an earnest stride forward. The Caps have adopted a team identity of skating harder and faster than their opponents do, playing more physical and defensively responsible, and have an unquenchable thirst for scoring goals. They are crushing their competition with an undeniable killer instinct.  They play the game the same way as their 2 time MVP Captain Ovechkin plays it.

Last night’s win in Boston gave the Caps an 11 game franchise best winning streak and a 14-1 record since their new captain took the ice on January 5^th.  Getting on the same page has truly benefited the Washington hockey community.  Their competition would surely like to have the old team back.

I was talking to Brendan Morrison after they had won five in a row.  I asked him if he was tired from the compressed NHL schedule and the multiple west coast road trips. My recollection of his response goes something like this.

“Winning makes it fun to come to the rink. We have more energy to skate extra hard.  We feel confident that every chance we take will be rewarded. We expect to win.”

Consider these comments from the post-game interviews last night.

Coach Bruce Boudreau said. “When you’re on a winning streak, you find ways, good things happen. When you’re losing, you hit crossbars and the other goalie makes incredible saves like Theo did tonight.”

Tom Poti said “It’s nice to have streaks and stuff, but we have bigger goals for this team.”

Brook Laich said “Proud of our guys, proud of our coaching staff” and “lots of fun, we have some interesting characters (in the locker room)”

We can learn a lot by digesting this leadership story.

I am reminded how important leadership is to success. People and organizations take on the identity of their leaders.  Leaders have great clarity and perspective. They do not let adversity bother them. They lead from what makes them internally strong. Leaders have fun and are not afraid to take risks. They cannot be successful without people believing in their leadership. Diverse groups of people are important to successful teams. Being successful in whatever endeavor you under take begins and ends with you.  Defining what success means to us can define what success means for our team.  No challenge is too big to overcome. Overcoming our challenges begins with the recognition they are not challenges they are opportunities to learn and grow.  Setting our sights on a much large vision creates energy and focus to making ourselves a better version of ourselves each and every day.

What leadership stories are missing from your story?

You will remember January 27, 2010 forever.

Apple’s long rumored innovative trans-formative device will be unveiled to the masses.  No device has been more highly anticipated than this one.  We expect Steve Jobs to knock it out of the park.  He will paint a brilliant masterpiece describing how this device will change the world.  We want to believe. We want hope.  We want this device. We do not need to know what it is. We want it anyway. We want this to be something trans-formative. We will buy as many as Apple can produce.  Santa Claus is delivering our presents today.

President Obama delivers the most important speech of his young presidency.  A year ago, he entered office to change Washington; to transform the world. We believed. We hoped. He was last year’s Santa Claus. Something happened. Our expectations went un-met.  We lost hope. We stopped believing.  Deep inside, we still want to hope. We still want to believe. We still want something trans-formative. Tonight, he will try desperately to restore our hope and belief.

Will you pay attention and listen as eagerly to President Obama as you will to Steve Jobs today?

These events are important for you, for our country, and for the world. Jobs and Obama will send a message to the masses.  The masses will decide if they believe in the message. You will decide if you believe. You will decide to restore or withhold your own hope.  Today, is your day to decide.

What can you do to restore hope and belief in your future?