WeVivify » Path

The world does not care about your expectations, or mine

davidmcgraw — Wed, 19 May 2010 16:27:32 +0000

What are you accepting in your life?

Huh? What in the world, am I asking? Sure, I admit this is a vague open-ended question. I assure you it has a very simple yet complex answer. Well, at least that is my expectation.

Acceptance is the ability to find safety and comfort to be who we are in the world.

We spoke last time about resistance being the doorway to action . We cannot step into the doorway and begin breaking down our barriers of resistance without accepting situations and ourselves, as they are, nothing more, nothing less.

When we accept, we exercise patience, compassion, and generosity. We are more curious about the world we live and present with who we truly are. We naturally establish and maintain healthy personal boundaries. We allow people and situations to come and go without disrupting our overall happiness and flow in the world.

Theoretically, this all makes sense and seems relatively easy to understand, so why is it so hard to accomplish?

Humans have this thing called expectations we carry around with us. They affect the outcome of everything we observe and experience. Expectations are entrenched in stories we tell ourselves. They are mental debris that weight us down and suck the energy and focus from what we want.

Have you ever noticed how your expectations leave a sour taste in our mouth when things do not go as you planned? How much excess weight are you unnecessarily carrying around with you?

The world does not care about your expectations, or mine.

The only expectations we can try to satisfy is our own. Yet, we routinely place our unspoken expectations on people and situations. We are unknowingly sacrificing our own happiness.

We can learn to let go of our expectations and allow life to unfold. We alone are responsible for our lives. We can learn to allow. We can remove our judgment, expectations, and conditions of satisfaction from our experience. We can remove the burden of expectations we carry around with us. We can learn to experience people and situations from a first timer’s point of view.

We can unconditionally accept people, situations, and ourselves from who we are.

Think it is impossible, what is stopping you from trying to be more unconditionally accepting?

Resistance is the doorway to action

davidmcgraw — Fri, 14 May 2010 14:13:06 +0000

“Resisting something is a sure sign you are supposed to be doing it. The greater your resistance, the more important it is to you.”

A few weeks ago, I tweeted this thought. Today, I am still grappling with it as much as I was when I originally wrote it.

Do you feel some resistance to it as well?

I thought you might. I invite you to read my thoughts and add your own. Together, we can explore the validity of this concept. Deal? Here goes.

When something we have not accepted as a given for ourselves enters our awareness, our natural human inclination kicks in and we begin to erect the walls of resistance.

We may become defensive, take things personally, make excuses, and justify our actions. More importantly, we will most likely close ourselves to new ideas, other people’s perspective, and further entrench ourselves in our current understanding and stance. We withdraw from the conversation and start to protect ourselves.

Our language continues to spew out rationalizations, complaints, and outspoken opposition. Emotionally, we harbor feelings of blame, shame, guilt, jealousy, pessimism, frustration, anger, and depression.

The stronger our emotional reaction, the more likely our resistance is related to a core challenge we face in life.

Emotional warning signs are opportunities to examine aspects of our lives that are holding us back. We welcome what we allow. We resent what we resist. This is a perfect time to allow something new to emerge in our lives.

If we choose to meet these opportunities with the same type of resistance we have been discussing, then we ensure a quick trip to the back of the life learning line. Awareness opportunities are neither good nor bad. They are simply a chance to learn something new about us and to make a choice without self-judgment.

New awareness opens the doorway to new possibilities for us. Our thirst for change awakens and our creative juices freely flow. We no longer resist the unknown. We make a friend of change. We trust the choices we make. We live more freely.

What do you think? Did this strike you in any particular way? What emotion are you feeling?

Do not resist the urge to leave a comment, let it out. Sharing our point of view adds to the community conversation in ways we cannot imagine. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the concept at hand.

Go ahead…give your life away…its your choice

davidmcgraw — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 22:02:59 +0000

Have you ever had this conversation with someone, perhaps even yourself. It goes something like this; I wish I could find a different job. My job sucks, my boss does not appreciate me, they do not pay me enough, workplace morale sucks, this company is going no where, and I’ll be happy when I find another job.

We have a built-in natural resistance steering us toward these thoughts and opinions. Our culture has taught us to over identifying who we are based on the work we do. We in turn base our general happiness on whether or not we enjoy the work we do.

Are you attached to who society wants you to be or are you living your life?

There is an interesting paradox that develops when you shift the conversation from work life to personal life. People fall into two camps, they are either as miserable at home as they are in the office or they claim to be completely happy in their personal life. Either way, I think they are disillusioned and not really aware of how the toxicity of their 9-5 work life is crushing their personal happiness.

Think I am wrong….maybe you are disillusioned yourself.

I promise you this is not a permanent condition unless you want it to be. We have choices we can make. We can choose to continue living this charade or we can called it what it is and take action to make the changes that lead towards the happiness we desire.

My journey is not dissimilar to the journey many are living. I used to think I was completely different at work than I was in my personal life. I live in disillusionment. I live in sadness. I longed to be happy.

I drifted along from task to task, boss to boss, job to job searching for meaning and happiness in my work life. I adhered to their rules (most of the time). I aligned my actions with their agenda. I lived by their expectations. I took my happiness from their happiness. I rationalized my compromising behavior. I told myself financial security was more important than the work I did. I gave away what was most important to me….I gave away ME!!!!!!

What message did I send to the people I loved at home when I was unhappy and continued to pour my energy and commitment into meaningless work? Working in that environment did not bring me joy and showing up as me in my life is what matters most to me.

This give away is not without some benefit to me. Being a life long learner, this type of learning experiences is exactly what I am looking for. They lay the foundation for even greater learning. I am a few years removed from this life stage and I continue to build on these lessons.

Our experience of happiness and meaning in life is influenced by who we are –as much as what we are doing. We have two paths to change. We either change the activity we are doing or we change ourselves.

Are you ready to raise the curtain to your true self?

Learning and applying is the road towards mastery

davidmcgraw — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 17:10:14 +0000

I am standing backstage about to give an important and meaningful speech. I know what I have to say will touch the hearts and souls of my audience. I cannot help but wonder what their expectation is of me. I wonder how they arrived at this event. I am curious as to how they will act upon the information we share tonight. Moreover, I am excited about what I will learn from our interaction together.

Teachers carry a tremendous burden. They often shoulder the responsibility of helping their students comprehend and extrapolating those concepts into other arenas of their lives. This responsibility is not solely theirs to own. Learning is a 2-way street. Teachers learn just as much about their craft as the student learns. The real value in learning is taking newly found knowledge and applying it to every situation you can imagine.

Teachers can inspire us, but they cannot make us want to learn. We have to have a burning desire to learn every day and to face every encounter with the utmost resilience. The only hurdles we cannot overcome in life are the hurdles we do not allow ourselves to jump.

Learning and applying is what has led me to this moment. I have had many great teachers. My path has brought me to this point in my life. The journey has and continues to challenge my preconceived notions about my life. I have struggled to communicate my needs to the world. I have found the voice I have been search for.

Today, I live my daily life by trying to better version of myself every day. I do not always succeed. I fail in my efforts quite a bit. I get up the next day and try again. I believe it is my path to help others do the same. My help is not always welcome. I am often misunderstood. I keep trying to perfect my craft. I am learning and applying my knowledge. My actions honor who I am.

Introductions are being made. The butterflies are churning not in an anxious or nervous way, but in anticipation about what great discoveries we will make together. Learning and applying has taken me this far on the road to mastery. I see no reason to stop now. I hope you will join me.

The open road awaits…put the peddle to the metal

davidmcgraw — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 15:23:39 +0000

The road traveled is filled with potholes, twists, turns, dead ends, and long open stretches of open road. Navigating all these obstacles makes the journey all that much more satisfying. Reaching our destination unharmed and better for all the decisions made is what we live for. Our choices seemed hard at the time. In retrospect, they were easy.

We agonized over some decisions. They paralyze us into inaction. Why do we allow simple decisions like what to eat or wear, go here or there, pc or mac, etc. to send us into a pothole? We drove in that direction. We made that choice. We choose to drive on the wrong side of the road. We need to make smarter decisions for ourselves.

Many of us strive for peace, love, and happiness in our lives. Do we really need a rock-bottom crisis to trigger action into positive change or can we simply make a choice and take action?

Short-term decision-making is driven by negative emotions (fear, anger, frustration). Long-term decision-making is fueled by positive emotions (love, joy, happiness). Focusing on the long-term is like bugs on the windshield. It flies in the face of our normal behavior.

What is normal behavior anyway? Normal behavior is a ritual. Rituals are known quantities. They are safe, comfortable, and risk free. They manifest themselves in routines, emotional responses, standard response or opinions, and knee jerk reactions. They are second nature to us. We do them without thinking about them.

Challenging rituals is the road to finding our voice in the world. This is the map to long stretches of open road. Let us put the pedal to the medal. Does anyone hear the song “I can’t drive 55” playing?

How do we challenge our rituals? How can we free ourselves to find our voice?

We start by focusing on what brings excitement and happiness into our lives. We skip the part about focusing on traditional problem solving techniques. We take a pass on all the negativity in our lives. We focus solely on bringing all the good we have to the forefront.

We vivify the world we want to live in.

I want to live a life where we are all connected to each other. Unconditionally accepting each other for who we are. Celebrating all the good we individually have to offer the world. Sharing in each other’s success. Helping each other become the best version of ourselves.

The best version is different for everyone. Individually, we have the capacity to help another along their chosen path if we decide to make that choice. We will choose to show up in every conversation with love and compassion. We will speak and listen from our heart. We will unconditionally respect and support each other’s growth.

Smart decisions are about taking small daily actions to expand our possibilities to live. We will open our minds and allow our creative juices to flow. We will trust the choices we make. Future decision will come easier. We support the path we want. We live.

We Vivify!

Life’s a roller coaster ride

davidmcgraw — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 17:29:55 +0000

Our journey through life is eerily similar to a roller coaster ride. We travel unknowing on a track that has many vicissitudes, twists, turns, loops, tunnels, and variable speeds. Hopes, dreams, and expectations are set prior to the coaster living the station.

We embark towards adulthood by traveling up a steep incline. The ascent to the top of a hill requires tremendous energy and a slow deliberate pace. The pace gives us an opportunity to find our bearings, establish our foundation, and grow into our journey. Anticipation and expectations intensify as we near the top.

Reaching the top ignites a celebration for all that we have accomplishment. We find ourselves traveling along a plateau seeing the world in a different light. Peace and calm set in. We are comfortable, but there is this unsettled energy running through our veins. Something is missing.

Faster than we can say “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” we take a sharp unexpected steep descent. The race to the bottom happens in a flash with incredible speed. Our emotions bubble to the surface as quickly as we lose our stomach. Our physical body oscillates around our seat desperately seeking safety, security and stability of the plateau. We do not have time to think. We can only react. We have lost control.

Roller coasters travel a predictable path. Engineers designed the ride to produce the same experience ride after ride. They have planned set of controlled events with a defined beginning and end. We as riders do not experience each coaster ride the same every time.

Our emotional and physical response to each twist and turn can be very unpredictable from ride to ride. The more tightly we cling to control, the more fear, angst, and uneasiness we bring into our experience. The less we enjoy the ride. The more we let go of control, the more laughter, joy, and happiness will rule the day. The more we enjoy the ride, the more we are ready to experience more rides.

We are in control of our roller coaster experience. We can cling to our pre-programmed engineered response or we can let go and allow ourselves to have a new experience. We are responsible for our roller coaster life experience.

Strap in. Take a deep breath. Relax and enjoy the ride!

Romantics, Scientists, Engineers

davidmcgraw — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 18:11:56 +0000

Earlier the week, I finished reading an advanced copy of Steward Brand’s “Whole Earth Discipline .” For those of you unfamiliar with Brand’s work, I urge you to check out his Wikipedia and TED page. Brand is a biologist by trade and a lifelong environmental activist. His writing style is warm and inviting. I admire his ability to teach, inspire, and motivate the reader into action. I highly recommend you pick up a copy when it is published on October 15^th. You will not be disappointed.

Midway through the book is a fascinating chapter entitled “Romantics, Scientists, Engineers.” Brand talks about how the environmental movement is made up of these three archetypes. He has devoted much of his life to being either a romantic or a scientist. His latest work represents an evolved role of engineer. Brand describes them in the following way.

“Romantics identify with natural systems; the scientist study natural systems. Romantics are moralistic, rebellious against the perceived dominant power, and dismissive of any who appear to stray from the true path. They hate to admit mistakes or change direction. The scientists are ethical rather than moralistic, rebellious against any perceived dominant paradigm, and combative against one another. For them, identifying mistakes is what science is, and direction change is the goal.”

As it pertains to the environmental movement, Romantics make up the majority of supporters.

“Scientists and their perceptions are always in minority; they are easily ignored, suppressed, or demonized when their views don’t fit the consensus story line.”

“Engineers are arriving who see environmental problems neither as a romantic tragedy nor as a scientific puzzle but simply as something to fix. They look to scientist for data to fix the problem with, and the scientists appreciate the engineers because new technology is what makes science go forward. The romantics distrust engineers—sometimes correctly—for their hubris and are uncomfortable with the prospect of fixing things because the essence of tragedy is that it can’t be fixed.”

“Romantics love problems; scientists discover and analyze problems; engineers solve problems.”

Let’s translate this concept into everyday life.

Marketing dreams up this fancy glitzy new fandangle product. Finance analyzes the market opportunity and product to death; concluding the revenue projections are inflated and the costs to implement are surly understated. They want to kill the project. IT steps in and begins to brainstorm on how they are going meet Marketing’s needs, satisfy financial concerns, and seamlessly implement the product offering. More challenges and hurdles are uncovered. Finance says I told you so and stands firmly behind their decision. Marketing becomes ever more resolved and pushes harder. Frustrations mount. Fingers are pointed. Executive escalations are made.

The original vision and driving need were lost in a righteous enmeshment of nonsense. There are no winners in this game. Everyone loses. Valuable company resources have been wasted and any market opportunity has surely been lost.

Can’t we all just get along? If only this was so easy. A man can dream, can’t he?

As I was contemplating the real world applicability of Brand’s holy trinity, I couldn’t help but think I live in each of these arenas every day. I’ll bet you do as well.

There are plenty of romantic utopian ideas I passionately cling to (i.e. “Can’t we all just get along?”). I play the role of scientist whenever it comes to making a major financial decision. When my wife presents me with a problem, in my desire to help, I immediately become the engineer and move into problem solving mode. All she wanted was for me to listen to her, no assistance was required.

What lessons can be learned by examining which arena we stand in with important people and situations in our lives?

I offer the following rules to live by as a conversation starter.

Curiosity: Expands our perspective, feeds our desire to learn, and introduces new interests

Flexibility: Loosens our attachments to preconceived notions and opinions

Openness: Creates opportunity to listen, reflect, admire, and respect contrary points of view

Passion: Discover the romantic in you; pursue what is important to you

Passionate pursuit of your dreams and desires requires maintaining openness and flexibility to changing your course as new interests emerge.

No related posts.

New Perspective

davidmcgraw — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 01:32:42 +0000

My last post (“Unwanted Behaviors ”) closed by talking generally about the change process.

“Change requires asking for help. We all have a capacity for change, but we cannot do it alone. There are no quick fixes. I have spent a life time perfecting this unwanted behavior. Changing it requires time and ongoing attention. I show up as a better version of myself every day. ”

With this post, I begin a series of articles focused on how you can move past unwanted behaviors and embrace a new outlook on life. Today, I begin by laying the foundation for our discussion. Future posts will build on this foundation and your contributions to the conversation.

There are new blog postings, articles, and self-help books written every day. This series of postings could easily fall in the pure definition of self-help. I’d prefer to think of it as a conversation for understanding (i.e. understanding each other).

As we progress through this conversation, I expect you to receive some of the material with open arms and other material with resistance. That’s ok. I only ask that you come to the conversation with an open mind and give it a chance to resonate with you. Together, we gain a new perspective on the ways we can infuse our lives with more passion, energy, and spirit.

Let’s pause here for a few questions.

What new perspective is self-help advice supposed to provide? What can I expect? Will my needs be met? What do I need? What answers am I looking for? What questions am I supposed to ask?

I can see we have an eager audience who has lots of good questions to ask. We will answer those questions and more as we progress on this path.

Is that a sidebar conversation I hear in the back row? Oh, you didn’t come here looking for help. That’s my fault… I will accept responsibility for drawing you into this conversation. Since you are here you might as well pull up a chair and listen to what I have to say.

I want you to know you are perfect just the way you are. I accept you are just as God intended. My intention is share a path to follow and to offer help to those who ask for help along the path.

Will you allow me and opportunity to share how new perspective changed my life for the better?

Thanks for indulging me. I’ll get to the story now.

Not too long ago, I struggled to love myself. I was like a yo-yo. One day I did, and the next I didn’t. I found every opportunity to be self-critical and beat myself up. This behavior was impacting all aspects of my life. I saw the clues, but I was blind to the large issue at hand.

A wise coach offered me an opportunity to see my situation differently. At a conference, I stood up and asked one of those lofty big idea questions. The coach seized the opportunity for discussion and invited me to the front of the room. Out of the norm and without hesitation, I accepted his offer. I believe my soul knew it was time to walk a different path and was not going to let me miss an opportunity.

As the conversation progressed, we talked about my challenges with self-love. His next move was one that surprised me. He requested the audience express love to me through body language. I felt a rush that can only be described as an energetic tidal wave of love. 70+ people poured their love into that tsunami. I was shaken to the core. Immediately, all the stories I have been telling myself seemed ridiculous and I needed to change, and change NOW.

I gained perspective. Perspective on what life could be like if I allowed people to love me and I allow me to love myself. I began to walk my path again.

I posted this tweet on Saturday as I was organizing my thoughts around these articles.

“All the resources I need are found within me. Love, joy & happiness are abundant within me. My only need is to access my resources.”

In finding my new perspective, I found all the resources I need.

Now it’s your turn. Tell me what going through you mind. What are you thinking? feeling? All lines are open. The floor is yours.